It has been quite a weekend. First of all on Friday evening the Christian Blog (and other internet things) Awards, where I was awarded a ‘joint second best Christian blog’ certificate, with which I am very happy. I have to say that it was a rather impossible category to judge given the very different nature and purposes of the finalists’ blogs, all of which are good in their own ways. Congratulations to Jenny Baker of the Sophia Network who was the blogging winner.

Then yesterday to the internet conference, where I mingled with interesting people, gained inspiration of various kinds, chatted with friends and went to the pub. I’ll perhaps post some reflections about things I learnt through the mediums of rambling and diagrams at some future point.

Back to the awards: I’d like to say thank you to all readers for the 110% efforts that you have been putting in over the last six weeks. But now that we’re not trying to win an award I think it is time to declare an ‘era of slackness’, where the following are permitted:

• Ill thought out-comments, perhaps with occasional lapses in grammar and spelling
• The posting of comments whilst wearing gardening attire or a ratty old bathrobe (thanks Anne for the latter suggestion)
• Content that doesn’t really mention Christianity
• Whilst I, as blogger, pledge to continue to post regularly, occasional lapses in quality will be permitted. For instance, I may post shopping lists found in my supermarket trolley for collective analysis.

Shopping list found in my supermarket trolley
This has been posted for collective analysis.

Questions for study groups
What is ‘cross’
The apple puree. For a child, or pork?
The list writer. Male or female?

Yes, I do deliberately choose shopping trolleys that have other people’s shopping lists left in them.

Posted by Dave at 8:16 pm on October 17, 2010 and filed under Blogging, Utter nonsense, shopping lists.

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I’ve got all sort of exciting things to post here before too long, but I thought I’d get back into the way of things by borrowing an idea from a talk I attended by the Illustrationist David Shrigley, that of posting shopping lists found lying around in and around the supermarket.

I thought it might be interesting to discuss and analyse this first list, found at about 7.30pm today in the car park of Tesco, Langdon Hills, Essex.

I am particularly interested to know what SK is, and what the lacquer was for, and whether ‘tenna’ was a cashback reminder.

If this goes well I will encourage the further posting of found shopping lists.

Posted by Dave at 11:31 pm on November 3, 2009 and filed under shopping lists.

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These are the winners of the small and well thought-out competition I ran on Thursday. In no particular order:

Comment 22, Duane, with ‘“Things to ‘Be’ in church” eg. Cleaner/Treasurer/Gardener/Preacher/Nice old lady/Unruly child/Pious/FakePious/Disruptive/Latecomer/Snorer/Singer/Giver/Storyteller/Newsletter writer etc ‘. Definite calendar potential.

Comment 29, rory, with ‘How to tell that you’re …a lay preacher …on the flower roster …new in the parish …a church warden‘. Similar idea but with a great heading, “How to tell that you’re…”. These first two may well end up being ‘the’ idea.

Comment 23, Aaron, with ‘The major feast or fast for each month‘. A bit similar to 2008, but it sparked off some good ideas for a future calendar.

Comment 13, Fat Roland, with the bizarre and intriguing ‘Twelve pet services‘, but also ‘A basic guide to theology, Dave Walker style‘, which I would love to do if I could be clever enough to think up the content, but probably not this time.

Finally, Comment 18, Simon, with ‘What the clergy keep hidden in the secret pockets of a cassock‘ – not an idea for a calendar perhaps, but one I will certainly use for an individual cartoon.

I’ll contact these 5 people for their addresses after I’ve been to the supermarket and done my chores. In the meantime a huge thank you to everyone who has entered – there are lots of other ideas there which I may well use even if they aren’t ideas for entire calendars.

As a thank you to those who posted on the thread at any point up until now but didn’t win – I’ll send you a few postcards if you e-mail a postal address to info (at) cartoonchurch.com with the heading ‘February 09 competition’. Thank you!

Posted by Dave at 6:36 pm on February 9, 2009 and filed under Quizzes and competitions.

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As I have said before (hence the continued’) I love the idea of getting a folding bike. The picture above is me test riding a ‘Brompton’, the ultimate in folding bikes, at the Cycle Show. Bromptons cost about £600 once you have bought all the trimmings. As you can see I am blurred owing to my great velocity. The lady on the right is guiding the traffic as the test track is a figure of 8 – in other words it crosses over itself on a diagonal basis. This is to give an element of danger which adds realism to the test ride. The other lady on the right is the assistant to the lady guiding the traffic. I’m not sure what her job is, but it involves standing there. The figure on the left is a cardboard cutout for safety reasons as it would be too dangerous to have a real person there with all these test-cyclists whizzing around. This also adds a sense of realism for those who will find themselves regularly riding in areas populated largely by cardboard cutouts.

When I was in the supermarket yesterday I noticed that someone was advertising a folding bicycle for only £25 in the postcards. £25! Buoyed with enthusiasm I called up and made my enquiries. Unfortunately the man did not have the answers to my in-depth questions, like ‘What make is it?’, so I decided I had better go and see it.

I went on my folding bicycle inspection excursion this morning. Upon seeing the bicycle I instantly knew that it was not what I was looking for as it was a bit rubbish, so told him that I would not be buying it. I came up with a convincing reason involving the handlebars. He said that that was fine, not a problem at all. At which point in a moment of madness I said: ‘Oh, alright then, I’ll buy it.’

I am an idiot sometimes.

Unfortunately the bicycle really is rubbish. It is unique amongst folding bicycles in that it folds into a shape bigger and less convenient than the shape it started from. One popular folding bicycle website says this about it:

The Skoda of folding bikes – the Universal is still the cheapest folder available, but the Chinese are challenging. Made in Poland, the bike looks like a 1960s-vintage ‘shopper’, which is exactly what it is. It’s heavy, it doesn’t fold very well or clip together, and the ride and handling are poor. Yawn, yawn. Long, long overdue for a replacement

Does anyone want to buy a folding bicycle?

To you – £25.

Posted by Dave at 11:31 pm on October 31, 2007 and filed under Cycling, Essex Life, Photographs.

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I am still not reverting to daily posting on the Cartoon Blog, but on days when I will not be posting I will attempt to make a post like this just to let you know that there will not be a post so that you are not continually on the lookout for one.

I will now just fill the space up with uninteresting news just so that there is not blank space.

Today we loaded the bicycles into the camper van and drove to a place where there is a road with no cars. It is the only road in Essex with no cars and the location is a closely guarded secret (It is near Brentwood, just off the A128). I do still intend to sell the camper van of course, but I have not got around to thinking about how I might start to plan the preliminary steps that will be required to proceed towards a point where I can contemplate beginning the initial stages of the process.

We went to the supermarket with the camper van. The camper van is large, which is good for carrying things. The problem with carrying supermarket shopping in a camper van though is that the groceries tend to roll around a bit, as there is too much space for them. Various items tend to go skedaddling across the width of the van, which is not good if they are eggs. The answer is to stack the groceries against the left hand side of the van and then only go around corners that will cause you to bear right. It can be done as long as you live somewhere that can be reached via a spiral route.

This evening we did barbecuing. We do have a proper metal barbeque, but the wire grill is not fit for cooking owing to the fact that it was left outside for a lengthy duration whilst a winter was taking place. We therefore use a disposable barbeque, but perch it on top of the proper metal non disposable barbeque in order to keep it away from the cats who are nosey parkers. This is not an ideal situation, but it is the best you can do if these are your circumstances. I am hoping that we might be able to buy a wire grill to replace one that suffered under the elements. If you see one let me know. These are the specifications: Shape: round, Size: largish, Handle-y things: yes.

Posted by Dave at 11:37 pm on September 1, 2007 and filed under Mundane.

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In this day and age it is right that those who are able should travel to the supermarket by bicycle when they can. I find though that when I do so I often encounter problems transporting groceries, especially if they are delicate or malleable. My bread, as the jottings above indicate, often ends up rucksack shaped at the end of the trip which means that the bread burns in the toaster as it is misshapen into untoasterly forms.

I think that I need some better means to carry delicate groceries by bicycle. Perhaps some panniers, though most panniers that I have seen look a bit small and still liable to crush bread. I could attach a large plastic box onto the rear rack, but that would look a bit unstylish and clash with the sleek lines of my bicycle.

In the old days bicycles had baskets, but these are now frowned upon in areas such as South East Essex. I think some more innovative solutions are called for, hence the drawing of the bread-carrying hat above.

How do you get your bread home?

Posted by Dave at 6:01 pm on August 9, 2007 and filed under Cartoons, Cycling, In-depth analysis, Religion.

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The thinking behind this drawing, if there is any, is that one needs to have all the different sizes of ideas. I tend to have too many of the big ideas: entirely new projects, websites etc. In a way the big ideas are the easy bit. Having all the medium and small ideas to make the big ideas a success is the more difficult bit.

In other news:

• I just cycled half a mile to the Tescos supermarket, bought 810 grams of produce, sat down and had a coffee, and cycled back again. The experience has left me dazed, confused and wiped out. I do not know what is wrong with me. I think I need to go back to the doctors.

• This morning I bought my copy of Shaggy Blog Stories. Why not buy one yourself? The total cost in the UK is about £12 something when you include the postage. By all accounts it sounds like it is a superb book.

• If you like internet comics and are in the London area there is a show happening tomorrow: UK Web & Mini Comix Thing 2007 – Online Comics & Mini Comics Show. I have not heard of most of the exhibitors, (with the exception of Blaugustine) but it all sounds jolly intertesting. Sadly I will not be going as we are in another part of the country. We are in another part of the country every weekend at the moment. The show is at Queen Mary University, Mile End and it costs £4 to get in.

Posted by Dave at 11:44 am on March 16, 2007 and filed under Cartoons.

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The Bishop of Bolton has started a campaign to encourage supermarkets to give shoppers a choice of things at Halloween. He has done this (according to the Cof E website) by revealing a shocking poster. The image above is not the shocking poster that the bishop is going to reveal. It is one I found on the internet. If you want to see the Bishop’s shocking poster go to the special website.

I have to say that I am often against such initiatives because I think that when Christians protest it usually backfires and makes them look reactionary and grumpy. However, on this occasion it is being done in quite a positive way and is one of the better anti-halloween campaigns I have seen. I’m not quite sure about the ‘offering a choice’ argument as surely people can choose to buy crisps and pop if they do not want to buy masks and witches hats. The positive alternatives that the Bishop is suggesting include:

glow tubes
balloons
face paints
coloured (felt) pens
crayons
coloured scoobies
paints
coloured paper and card
bright clothes
mozaic pieces
fruit
hair braids
hair bands
friendship bracelets
books on party alternatives

Some of them are good although I cannot see the campaign being successful in persuading the supermarkets to stock fruit.

I must say though that I find the sort of violent toys that are sold in the shops at this time of year and illustrated in the picture above quite unsavoury. There is enough violence in the world as it is. Also the makers and sellers of such items need to recognise that there are a lot of stupid people out there who cannot necessarily distinguish between plastic axes and scythes and real ones. I am also against trick or treating as it relies on scaring people such as the elderly (and pets). Anyone who goes trick or treating and gets bitten by a dog (or a granny) is getting what they deserve.

In summary: I am not saying that readers of the Cartoon Blog should drive their shopping trolleys into the displays of axes and scythes in the supermarket scattering them left, right and centre. But I for one would turn a blind eye to any such misdemeanour.

Alternatively you could support the Bishop and his shocking posters.

Update: Mad Priest has been having fun with the shocking poster. Naughty fellow.

Posted by Dave at 6:36 pm on October 18, 2006 and filed under Anglican goings-on, Current events, Spirituality.

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I am deeply against loyalty card schemes as they enable the big multinational supermarkets to spy on you and use your data for their evil purposes. It is quite clearly the sort of thing that is warned about in the book of Revelation.

Having said that we collect Tesco clubcard points as it enables one to get magazine subscriptions for next to nothing. I hope to get UNCUT for a few pounds a year for instance on this very basis. It isn’t as if there is a choice of supermarkets or in fact anywhere else to buy food around here anyway so my severe hypocrisy is easy to justify to myself.

Some of the other clubcard schemes aren’t very good. The Nectar scheme, for instance, where a lifetime spent gathering points will get you a biro and perhaps a mug. I’m sure, now I’ve said that, that someone will write in saying that filling up with petrol once a month enables them to go on a cruise around the Bahamas every year, but I for one don’t believe a word of it.

Anyway, here’s the real point of what I wanted to say. Tesco are now supposedly giving clubcard points for those who re-use plastic bags. Green points, or somesuch. However, I for one have never been awarded any green points and I usually just put the shopping into my rucksack and cycle home with it. Usually it isn’t much – today it was carrots and cheesecake. But I should still be getting my 1p without having to ask.

This is the end of today’s post proper. Please stop reading if the weighty analysis aspect was the only reason you tuned in.

Other information and notices:

• I’ve updated the places to buy the book list with two other stockists, taking the total up to four shops worldwide.
• I’ve removed a Technorati gizmo which has been slowing the blog down for weeks and maybe months now. Sorry to take so long to do this but I’ve only just worked out what the problem was.
• Thanks for the kind words about the last two cartoons. I’ve not had a great week and my confidence in their suitability for the blog wasn’t high, so thank you.

Posted by Dave at 6:05 pm on September 22, 2006 and filed under In-depth analysis, Sundry posts.

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Maddie_C and I are not expert gardeners. We have planted a lot of vegetable seeds in growbags and small pots that are entirely inappropriate for the growing of vegetables. But it might just work. If so we will be laughing all the way past the supermarket vegetable aisle.

One problem that this garden has is slugs. This garden has slugs as its problem. Slugs are a problem in this garden. (Sorry, the other two didn’t sound right.)

We have found a webpage to help though. This is it: Thirteen ways to Stop Slugs. The ‘copper’ idea sounded quite good, so we have surrounded two of the plants with post-1992 one pence and two pence pieces. Apparently pre-1992 one pences and tuppences are no good (But this fact might be made up).

So, what do you do about your slugs? If we get any good answers we can use them at parties.

Update: Three hours later and none of the vegetable seeds have started growing. Is this normal???*

*I do not normally use three question marks, but these are comedy question marks so I am hoping I can get away with it.

Posted by Dave at 8:57 pm on April 30, 2006 and filed under Essex Life, Household hints.

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Fishsoup, whose blog a heartbreaking work of staggering tiredness is one of our Wiblogs, has given up supermarket shopping for Lent.

Last night I had sardines on dry bread with manky beansprouts, this can’t go on.

Talking of supermarkets, there was a programme last week about the way that they are making a profit from Fairtrade products rather than passing on the extra we pay to the people who deserve it. See Exigency In Specie – How Fair is Fair Trade? for some analysis.

See also: my other supermarket-related posts. Although, come to think of it, a lot of them are unrelated to anything.

Update: Serena is taking action on the Fairtrade issue.

Posted by Dave at 12:49 pm on March 16, 2006 and filed under Environment, Fair Trade.

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A challenge from Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall in the Guardian:

For me, then, the true tipping point will come when significant numbers of consumers begin to say to the supermarkets: enough of your bullying tactics to farmers and producers, your misleading labelling and spurious nutritional information, enough of the systematic suffering of livestock in intensive systems, driven by you, as you push the price points lower and lower, enough of your dirty, polluting, wasteful food miles, and your outrageous, undemocratic flouting of planning law and the opinions of local people.

The way to be effective is to change the way you shop. You don’t have to stop going to supermarkets, but you do have to take from their shelves only those products you believe are honestly and ethically traded, transparently labelled, environmentally sustainable, and not abusive of either animals or people. And go elsewhere for the rest.

I agree with what he’s saying, though I wonder whether ‘going elsewhere’ is still the right thing to do if one has to make extra ‘food miles’ in driving to get there.

Hugh’s own site is Rivercottage.net.

Posted by Dave at 11:21 am on March 5, 2006 and filed under Current events, Fair Trade.

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