I have one cartoon t-shirt to give away. It is a standard issue black Hymns Ancient and Modern Greenbelt Bookshop 2011 staff t-shirt, size medium. It has this cartoon (but white on black background) on the front and the word ‘STAFF’ on the back. When worn by a someone like me it looks something like this. It is unworn and in original wrapping. I’ll throw in a few small cartoon bits and bobs too.

All you have to do is post in the comments below by 9am on Friday 16 September (36 hours time) and I’ll choose one person at random using some kind of method involving cutting up tiny pieces of paper and throwing a hat at them (or similar – method to be decided). If you wanted to post a cartoon idea as your comment then that would be lovely, but anything will do.

The ruler in the picture is to show what a wrapped t-shirt looks like when placed next to a NON-SHATTER ruler. Yes, I do have the word ‘RULER’ written on my ruler.

One entry per person. Judges decision final. No cash alternative. Sorry there is only a medium, but that’s all I have – you could give it away to a medium sized person. I reserve the right to think up other rules as I go along.

Posted by Dave at 8:40 pm on September 14, 2011 and filed under Quizzes and competitions.

94 Comments

A note for readers in Oxfordshire, Berkshire and Buckinghamshire. You can win one of my books by entering the competition in ‘the Door’, which is the diocesan magazine. Failing that it isn’t too late to enter for the Olympics (see lead story, above) if you still have anything in reserve to ‘raise your game’ following my recent demand for 110%.

I’m aware, by the way, that most people can’t enter this competition for geographical reasons. I’ll run one myself before too long so that everyone has the chance.

The Door can be obtained from any branch of the C of E in the above counties. I don’t think that the competition is on the web version so you’ll actually have to go to church to get a copy. While you are there please attend a service, put some money in the collection and join a rota. I was formerly employed in the diocese, being a youth worker in one of the parishes until my retirement, hence my interest.

It is tricky coming up with a name for a diocesan magazine. Things seen around the house can be a good source of inspiration, hence the Door, the Window, and (probably) the Lampstand. In time all of the good names will be used up, and so we will have the Dishwasher or perhaps the Recycling Bin.

Do let me know your ideal diocesan magazine name via the comments. If we get a good list of suggestions we could forward it on to the Church authorities who I’m sure would be glad of the help.

Posted by Dave at 8:20 pm on September 23, 2010 and filed under Books, Quizzes and competitions.

7 Comments

Congratulations to the winners of the CartoonChurch office World Cup sweepstake:

• Sara from the Library
• Peter from the Pathetic Acronym Creation, Marketing, Advertising and Naming department
• Eric Davey
• Nick from The Department for Administrative Affairs

I’ll be in touch with you shortly to ask for addresses for the prizes once I’ve seen what is in the special prize box. There might be a choice of prizes, I’m not sure.

The original sweepstake posts are here and here, in case anyone has no idea what I’m on about.

Posted by Dave at 9:39 am on July 12, 2010 and filed under Quizzes and competitions.

2 Comments

The CartoonChurch office World Cup sweepstake entries have been counted and verified (whatever that means) and the allocations have been allocated thus:

Brazil
Justin from Complaints
Dave from the Department for Pencil Sharpening and Replenishment
Sir Geoff Boycott (The Aggers Home for Confused Cricketers)

Spain
Sara from the Library
Peter from the Pathetic Acronym Creation, Marketing, Advertising and Naming department
Eric Davey
Nick from The Department for Administrative Affairs

Portugal
Chris from languages training (French section)
Pete from The Square
Sue from IT (Sue, Reader from Birmingham Diocese)

Holland
Phil from the 1st floor cupboard
Stella from the Entertainments Committee
Mark from “Obscure Bible Verses and Mad Prophets Rehabilitation”

Italy
Mouse from the Church
Tara from Animal Control
Bob, from accounts (who becomes ‘Helen from janitorial services’ on the weekends)

Germany
Sandie from quality control
Sara from the chaplaincy department
Chris from Marketing
Jim from Wellness in the Workplace

Argentina
Paul from IT
Benita from Insightful Observations Wing
Andrew Openshaw from European Supply Chain
Eliza from the sewing room

England
Duane from Security
Ellen in ‘breakages’
Lee Martin from the Chaplain’s office

France
James from marketing
Andy from the doctor who department
Helen (from somewhere just left of insanity)

Greece
Rory from International Relations
Donna
Rachael from the Monastery

USA
Martin from Editorial
Stuart from the mass-priest department
Sally from the Pew Sheet Production Department
Mimi from Coffeemaking Dept.

Serbia
Phil from darkest Bristol
ramtopsrac: The Reader in Writing (spare room… end of the cul-de-sac)
Gary Alderson

Uruguay
Ruth, keeper of the post-it notes
Robin from Rochdale
Clare from the Alto line

Mexico
Tom from HR
Charlotte on reception
fredden

Chile
Alasdair from the Coral Research Wing
Jan
Ann Tique from Auctioneering (Z)
Felicity Pickup

Cameroon
Matt from Legal Services
Sam, from Research and Development
Anne, Art Department
Dave the Managing Director

Australia
Andy from the office next door
Nick from The Department of Administrative Affairs
Teddy from Knowledge center

Nigeria
Johanna (diocesan barista)
Ian from Compliance
Nick Page
Dave from packing

Switzerland
Caroline from Inanimate Resources
Wes from the post room
Craig (from the Digital marketing team)

Slovenia
Sarah from the office
Phil Ritchie from spherical inflatables dept
Kate from Geeks & Gadgets

Ivory Coast
Magnus from IT
Sarah, the girl from IT
Jackie the Chief Product Tester (Chocolate Sub-Division)
Sheena from Tartan Tat sales

Algeria
Aaron from Incense and Monstrance Testing Dept
David from Accounts
Sarah from the Canteen

Paraguay
Graham from the Special Projects & Implementation Team
John the Trade Union rep
Ben (not yet departed)

Ghana
Ann from grandparent services
Simon (archivist)
Margaret from Animating Horticulture

Slovakia
Sue Mortimore
Wilf from Legal
Rosie, secretarial/musical/administrative facilitator

Denmark
Rachel, Tea and Sticky Bun Lady
Fiona Department for Cat Herding (coordination of youth development)
Ian from Dept of World Domination

Honduras
Phill from IT
Chris from youth services
Reg from IT support

Japan
Debbie, Kitchen Porter
Lee the Future Tactics Supervisor
Steve from Counter Industrial Espionage Division
Doofas from Catering Services

South Korea
Farli from the chair-moving, photocopying and liturgical compliance department
Russ (aka Noddy from The Small Office No-one Goes In)
Sue from the Retirement Association
hopeeternal -Receptionist etc. (aka ‘handing out tea & sympathy, fielder of phone calls & doorstep enquiries department’ aka Vicar’s wife)

New Zealand
Bob from Cashiers
Sarah from R&D
Joel from Expenses Management

South Africa
Val – Operations systems support distribution co-ordinator
Anthony from Logistics
Paul from Printing

North Korea
Nexi from the attic (and former baptist times cartoonist)
Smudgie, keeper of the COSHH cupboard key
sarah – development facilitator
James from Photocopying

Notes:

• If I’ve missed anyone who entered or got your name wrong let me know. I can’t accept further entries now I’m afraid. Click here if you can’t remember what name you used!
• A huge vote of thanks needs to go to my wife who did a lot of all of the hard work of putting this list together.
• How it was done: The countries were numbered randomly, and then the people were numbered randomly, and the two lists were brought together. In the end a container was not used.
• This includes both entries on both the web page and Facebook group.
• There were some commenters who may just have been larking around and didn’t want to be entered. I’m afraid you have been.
• The countries have been listed here in order of FIFA ranking – I know, all terribly advanced. Not my doing. If your country is near the top of the list you might have a slightly better chance than if it’s at the bottom.
• Further announcements on the progress of the CartoonChurch office sweepstake will be made on Twitter using the hashtag #cartoonchurchsweepstake – please feel free to join in with in-depth punditry etc.

Posted by Dave at 8:07 am on June 9, 2010 and filed under Football, Quizzes and competitions, World cup.

17 Comments

I’ve decided, for my own idle amusement, to run a World Cup sweepstake here in my office in the heart of Industrial Basildon. Unfortunately, as I am the only one who works here it has the potential to be less than enthralling. As things stand I will have an approximate 100% chance of winning, which does remove a certain element of excitement. I have therefore decided to open the sweepstake up to friends and readers of this blog.

In order to make my sweepstake legal it is free to enter (See Is your office World Cup sweepstake legal?). This might mean it is not technically a sweepstake, I’m not sure.

All you have to do to enter is write a comment in the comment section below. To make it more interesting please indicate your department (‘Bob from accounts’, Helen from janitorial services’ etc).

Countries will be allocated randomly by picking names out of a container of some sort (details of container to be decided). If we get more than 24 32 entrants there will need to be some doubling up, so you’ll have to share your country with someone else. I will close entries at the end of Monday.

The prize will be a small selection of cartoon goodies of my choosing. I will send them anywhere in the world. On the unlikely offchance I get hundreds of entries I reserve the right to make the prize fairly… small. I also reserve the right to add additional rules on my merest whim.

Pundits can discuss the progress of the CartoonChurch office sweepstake on Twitter using the hashtag #cartoonchurchsweepstake

Posted by Dave at 3:42 pm on June 4, 2010 and filed under Football, Quizzes and competitions, World cup.

101 Comments

I’m pleased to announce that I have at long last chosen the winners of my calendar competition. They are commenter no 8, Kate, commenter no 13, Z, and commenter no 26, Peter Banks. All 62 blog commenters and 17 Facebook commenters were included (repeats excluded), and I chose the winners using random.org.

I will send the winners their calendars once I have got their addresses and overcome any administrative delays.

Sorry to those who didn’t win. However, I have noticed that the calendars are on sale at Canterbury Press for the bargain price of £2.50. Good heavens! [UK postage £2.50 per order up to £50.]

As an aside I note that they are not currently available on Amazon, but remain at no 44 in the ‘Books > Food & Drink > Baking > Bread’ category. One of my lifetime goals was to be a top 50 bread baking author. Now I have achieved that I will need to seek a new direction. I will think about that whilst I have a cup of tea and a ‘bought yesterday in the sale’ Mr Kipling mince pie (currently 6 for 50p in Tesco).

Posted by Dave at 5:16 pm on January 5, 2010 and filed under Quizzes and competitions.

3 Comments

I’ve really enjoyed all of your competition answers – thank you.

Kennedy Fraser got the answer right, although most of you were winners too with your entertaining answers. Here’s the widget in its final resting place:

The widget was the piece I was missing to make the gears work on one of my bicycles, hence the joy. Unfortunately the gears still do not work properly as I am not very good Sturmey Archer adjuster.

The bicycle is my circa 1976 Raleigh Twenty Stowaway folding bicycle. I bought it from eBay for about £43.

It is one of two and a half folding bikes I own (the half is a scrap raleigh twenty which I’m using for parts). It does not fold very well, but I plan to use it when I go places and want to lock a folding bicycle outside. I quite like the challenge of bringing the old fashioned granny shopper bike back into vogue. Other people have done so in far more convincing ways – see Sheldon Brown’s Raleigh Twenty page, and in the UK Littlepixel’s one.

I have a more sophisticated folding bike about which I might write more another time. I am a great believer in folding bicycles – see for example this post and some of the ones in my cycling category. I will perhaps write more about how I believe folding bicycles can save the world at some other point if anyone shows the mildest bit of interest.

Posted by Dave at 9:24 am on March 20, 2009 and filed under Cycling, Photographs, Quizzes and competitions.

4 Comments

This tiny widget arrived in the post today and I was overjoyed. I bought it on eBay for £1.49. It is a bit smaller than the photograph.

A small and reasonably pointless competition: You just have to explain in the comments (1) what my small widget is and (2) why I was overjoyed. There are no prizes except to feel slightly pleased with yourself for a short amount of time.

Wrong but interesting answers will be winning answers too.

Posted by Dave at 8:08 pm on March 18, 2009 and filed under Photographs, Quizzes and competitions.

27 Comments

These are the winners of the small and well thought-out competition I ran on Thursday. In no particular order:

Comment 22, Duane, with ‘“Things to ‘Be’ in church” eg. Cleaner/Treasurer/Gardener/Preacher/Nice old lady/Unruly child/Pious/FakePious/Disruptive/Latecomer/Snorer/Singer/Giver/Storyteller/Newsletter writer etc ‘. Definite calendar potential.

Comment 29, rory, with ‘How to tell that you’re …a lay preacher …on the flower roster …new in the parish …a church warden‘. Similar idea but with a great heading, “How to tell that you’re…”. These first two may well end up being ‘the’ idea.

Comment 23, Aaron, with ‘The major feast or fast for each month‘. A bit similar to 2008, but it sparked off some good ideas for a future calendar.

Comment 13, Fat Roland, with the bizarre and intriguing ‘Twelve pet services‘, but also ‘A basic guide to theology, Dave Walker style‘, which I would love to do if I could be clever enough to think up the content, but probably not this time.

Finally, Comment 18, Simon, with ‘What the clergy keep hidden in the secret pockets of a cassock‘ – not an idea for a calendar perhaps, but one I will certainly use for an individual cartoon.

I’ll contact these 5 people for their addresses after I’ve been to the supermarket and done my chores. In the meantime a huge thank you to everyone who has entered – there are lots of other ideas there which I may well use even if they aren’t ideas for entire calendars.

As a thank you to those who posted on the thread at any point up until now but didn’t win – I’ll send you a few postcards if you e-mail a postal address to info (at) cartoonchurch.com with the heading ‘February 09 competition’. Thank you!

Posted by Dave at 6:36 pm on February 9, 2009 and filed under Quizzes and competitions.

7 Comments

Canterbury Press have the 2009 Dave Walker calendar on sale for £3.

Owing to incompetence I have a small stock of them left over myself, so here’s a little competition: I’ll send 5 2009 calendars to the 5 people who post the best ideas for next year’s (2010) calendar in the comments section of this blog post today. Competition closes at midnight tonight UK time. I’ll send prizes anywhere in the world.

Last year’s was ‘things to take to church’, the year before was ‘things to do in your church’. I haven’t got any ideas for next year’s yet, and the deadline is looming really rather rapidly.

Disclaimers: If you post an idea I might use it without giving you any money or much in the way of thanks. I might also not use ideas even if they are good. No cash alternative to the prize, though I can send you an envelope with some of the contents of my recycling box if you’d prefer. I might change the rules if I feel like it.

Posted by Dave at 1:51 pm on February 5, 2009 and filed under Cartooning, Quizzes and competitions.

55 Comments

These are the answers to the Wedding at Cana ‘Spot the Difference’. I have posted a larger version that you could print off at the bottom of this page.

Posted by Dave at 2:58 pm on September 7, 2007 and filed under Cartoons, Quizzes and competitions, Religion.

Comments Off

(Picture for illustration purposes only: See a version that you can see here)

The Congregational Insurance company is running a competition to find the best church notice board poster, reports the Guardian. Entrants can send in their entries by post, e-mail or the modern mobile picture telephone text messaging. If you win you get £500 but you have to put it into the church collection.

My own opinion is that corny slogans are generally corny and give the wrong impression. Or the right impression, depending. As a result I will not be drawing attention to this competition.

Thanks to the Churchblogger for spotting this.

Posted by Dave at 9:50 pm on March 18, 2007 and filed under Cartoons, Church, Quizzes and competitions, Religion.

2 Comments