This is my final post of 2007 unless something unexpected happens. I have no plans for this to be the case. I am about to take a bit of a break. All being well I will post again on this blog on the 1st of January 2008. During the intervening time comments may be moderated, and it might take me a while to get around to doing the moderating owing to pre-planned slackness.

2007 has been a good year I think, generally for me and here on the blog. I think this year has been the first when I’ve really been able to see how this cartooning lark could possibly work in the longer run. Glancing through my list of posts I also note that in 2007:

• I did a ‘cartoon talks’ (without a telescopic pointy-thing) in places like Wokingham and at the Portsmouth Diocesan Conference. I’m still hoping to do more of these. I’ve spoken to one or two of you about some of these - we’ll have to finalise some dates in the New Year.
• The Primates had a meeting and I did a drawing. I have perhaps gone a bit quiet on the Anglican goings-on front in recent months, but expect a few more Anglican drawings in 2008.
• The SPCK bookshop saga continued to develop and this blog unexpectedly became a place for interested parties to find information.
• We got cats.
• My first properly produced calendar was produced, meaning that my annual last minute dash to find a photocopier during the week before Christmas was avoided. Thanks to everyone who has supported my work by buying it.
• Vegetable racks became a surprise topic of interest.
• Mrs W and I went to the Christian Blog and Web Awards
• I posted this cartoon (shown below) on the 17th of January. It was, I think, the most ‘re-posted on blogs’ cartoon of the year on my We Blog Cartoons site.

2008 is set to be an exciting year. There are set to be some changes afoot career-wise about which I hope to say more in the New Year. Don’t worry though, I’m not stopping my Church Times cartoons and this site will still be here.

One of my initial challenges during January and February will be to draw the cartoons for a 2009 calendar and to finish the cartoons for a second book. This is quite daunting as I generally struggle for one funny idea a week, whereas I will need to have 5 or 6 a week during this time. This being the case it is likely that I will (if everyone is in agreement of course) be devoting many, if not most, of my posts on this blog to discussion of various church-related topics that will hopefully provide me with my ideas. It might, of course, be unethical to pinch all ones ideas from the internet public, in which case I will go back to sitting up all night staring miserably at a wall. When I’ve done this before it has been quite fun, so hopefully it won’t be too bad an experience for everyone involved.

Finally, a very Happy Christmas to everyone who reads this site, comments on this site, or both. Thanks for all your involvement. See you in 2008.

Posted by Dave at 8:55 pm on December 22, 2007 and filed under CartoonChurch progress, In-depth analysis, Cartooning, Religion.

21 Comments

In the third month they began to lay the foundation of the heaps, and finished them in the seventh month.

This verse, 2 Chronicles 31:7, is the 30638th most popular verse in the Bible out of the 31101 verses that make up the Bible. This is according to TopVerses.com, a site that ranks all of the verses in the Bible in order of the number of times they appear on the internet.

I am hoping that by posting about 2 Chronicles 31:7 it might be possible to push it up the rankings a bit. To my mind it is quite an informative verse, telling us as it does:

• Building heaps is a good thing to do.
• A good heap should always start with a foundation.
• It can take up to about four months to build a decent heap.
• ‘They’ built the heaps. Building heaps isn’t a one man job.
• You need to finish your heaps. There’s nothing worse than an unfinished heap.

Of course it is not a verse without controversy. The preceding verse (slightly more popular - ranked 28320) seems to suggest that cattle and sheep were included in the heaps. Whether they were alive or dead we don’t know.

Top verses is a very interesting site - and thanks to Inspire for alerting me to it. As well as the top verses it includes the top 10 books, the top ten chapters, the top verses in each book and the top verses containing particular words.

The failing, of course, is that one could be led to believe that the verses most often published on the internet are therefore the most important verses. My own view is that the most important themes in the Bible come not from picking individual ’soundbite’ verses out of context, but by looking at the overall message of entire books. Surely that is how it was intended to be read.

Feel free to post your own devotional thoughts on 2 Chronicles 31:7. It would be great if we could bump it up to the top 5. This would perplex a lot of people, which I’m all in favour of.

Posted by Dave at 1:11 pm on November 2, 2007 and filed under In-depth analysis, Spirituality, Religion.

17 Comments

The Churches and the Railways in Norfolk and Suffolk are teaming up to promote the Churches and the Railways in Norfolk and Suffolk. The ChurchRail Trail has been endorsed by Vicars and enables travellers to get special stamps when they visit churches:

As well as enjoying a unique day out, visitors can win prizes by accumulating stamps each time they visit a church on the trail

ie what I just said.

I am all for going on the train as we urgently need to get all of the cars off the roads by various means. I am also a supporter of churches, but most especially I am a supporter of special stamps. I for one would have more incentive to get up in the mornings if I knew that my comings and goings would be rewarded with special stamps.

I do not know who will be awarding the stamps. Will it be the responsibility of the churchwardens to stamp people, or will the Vicars be standing by with special hole punches to clip people’s tickets? If you are a Norfolk or Suffolk churchgoer and can enlighten us then please do. If you are from anywhere else and can comment from a position of ignorance then you would be just as welcome.

I think that collaboration between the railways and churches is a good thing. If I had my way special trains would be laid on to transport people to church - the time of the return journey being flexible depending upon the length of the sermon and whether there was a good vibe at coffee time. There are good reasons why I do not have my way.

Sorry that there has been a lack of drawings. My drawing morale has been low as it tends to be on about one week in every two. Also people have been writing in because Paypal is once again adding postage when it shouldn’t. To cap it all I am being tormented ceaselessly by the Camera and Scanner wizard.

By the way The Religious Intelligence (silly name) website originally reported on this. As a further aside, I always like the One Railway site as it greets you with ‘Welcome to One’, which is all posh, like. I like that. The announcers say that on the trains too. ‘One hopes you enjoyed your journey’ etc etc etc

Posted by Dave at 7:28 pm on October 30, 2007 and filed under Church, In-depth analysis, Transport, Religion.

11 Comments

Last week I found myself with nothing to do for an hour whilst in a parish caravan. A clergy friend I was visiting had to lead a group, and so I sat at one end of the parish caravan whilst the group he was leading took place at the other end. Having nothing with me to read I spent an hour reading the Book of Common Prayer, as that was more or less all that was available. It was actually an hour well spent, as I don’t spend an hour reading the Book of Common Prayer (We’ll call it the BCP) very often.

One of the things I pondered during my hour reading the BCP was the ‘Catechism’. The Catechism is a series of basic beliefs that people had to learn before they were confirmed. There are various Catechisms as far as I understand things, but the one from the BCP is on this page on this jolly good site about the BCP.

The instructions given for use of the Catechism are thus:

The Curate of every Parish shall diligently upon Sundays and Holy-days, after the second Lesson at Evening Prayer, openly in the Church instruct and examine so many Children of his Parish sent unto him, as he shall think convenient, in some Part of this Catechism.

And all Fathers, Mothers, Masters, and Dames, shall cause their Children, Servants, and Prentices (which have not learned their Catechism,) to come to the Church at the time appointed, and obediently to hear, and be ordered by the Curate, until such time as they have learned all that is here appointed for them to learn.

So soon as children are come to a competent age, and can say, in their Mother Tongue, the Creed, the Lord’s Prayer, and the Ten Commandments; and also can answer to the other questions of this short Catechism; they shall be brought to the Bishop. And every one shall have a Godfather, or a Godmother, as a witness of their Confirmation.

And whensoever the Bishop shall give knowledge for Children to be brought unto him for their Confirmation, the Curate of every Parish shall either bring, or send in writing, with his hand subscribed thereunto, the names of all such persons within his Parish, as he shall think fit to be presented to the Bishop to be confirmed. And, if the Bishop approve of them, he shall confirm them in manner following.

What a good idea. Why don’t we do this sort of thing these days? Perhaps we do, I don’t know.

It does sound a bit tricky though. I probably wouldn’t be confirmed yet if such standards were insisted upon these days as my memory is flaky. I’d still be diligently going along upon Sundays and Holy-days after the second Lesson at Evening Prayer for instruction by the Curate.

Perhaps a more practical test would be better for those whose memories are not sound. Those who opted for the hands-on test would, on the day of the confirmation, have to demonstrate before the Bishop and the congregation that they could perform an ecclesiastical task. Updating a page on the church website, carrying a candle with due reverence or removing the cling film from a selection of ‘bring and share lunch’ items should do it. The congregation would ‘mark’ each task by cheering or booing. Successful candidates would be confirmed there and then, whilst the failures would have to go away and learn to do something else.

Of course some people are not good at exams, be they academic or practical. Perhaps those individuals should be made to complete some coursework over a period of time. Develop a portfolio demonstrating a range of core competencies.

To be honest I’m just making it up now and talking rubbish.

If you have any better ideas feel free to post them in writing, with your hand subscribed thereunto, in the comments.

Posted by Dave at 11:39 pm on October 17, 2007 and filed under Church, In-depth analysis, Utter nonsense, Religion.

10 Comments

Kester posted an interesting post yesterday about online advertising and how it is a bad thing as it is the poor who lose out. See also his Facebook group ‘I’d Rather Pay For Facebook Than Put Up With All The Dumb Ads‘ and this previous post Advertising Makes Us All Poor.

I’d like to agree with him. I get so annoyed by adverts sometimes that steam comes out of my quite literal ears (in a metaphorical way). TV adverts annoy me the most. I try to keep a mental list of companies I will not buy from because their adverts are so annoying. Fortunately for these companies I am not good at mental lists.

But on the other hand if there were no advertising I am worried that the world would stop turning. There would be no newspapers and probably in an indirect way no CartoonChurch.com. There would be knock on effects you see.

The adverts here on the site don’t make a huge amount of money, but they are better than nothing. I do not see them as a great evil - if I were to rank all the evils I can think of they would be in the lower divisions, somewhere near people who put their feet on the chair in front and joggle inadvertently.

I tend to think that Google Adsense (the system I use here) is the most acceptable form of advertising as it is mainly used by small businesses and bizarre religious groups rather than large multinationals.

I don’t know - what do you think?

Posted by Dave at 10:38 am on October 9, 2007 and filed under Cartoons, In-depth analysis.

11 Comments

We bought our first vegetable rack at the weekend.

A person’s life can be divided into the time they live pre-vegetable rack (P.V.R.) and the time they live post-vegetable rack (Also P.V.R, confusingly). Of course there will be some people who are not able to purchase a vegetable rack at any time of their lives, a fact I have not forgotten.

For us, the moment of vegetable rack need came during our mid thirties. I don’t know whether that is usual. In your twenties you feel able to live with vegetables just lying around the house here and there. In your early thirties you try and designate a ‘vegetable shelf’ or a ‘vegetable cupboard’ but deep inside in your heart of hearts you know that that isn’t really the answer.

Ours has four shelves. We felt that was the way to go. Other vegetable racks have three shelves - in fact you might notice the one I’ve drawn in the picture has three shelves - a ‘three shelver’, as they are known. Three shelf vegetable racks are very good vegetable racks, don’t get me wrong. We’ve found that the main advantage of the ‘four shelver’ over the ‘three shelver’ was quite simply that it had one extra shelf.

I thought I’d post this as there may be someone reading who has a sort of an empty feeling inside and doesn’t really know why. You’ve tried going out and having a good time. You’ve bought the latest gadgets. You’ve even been to the doctor. Perhaps, just perhaps, what you need is a good vegetable rack.

Do let us know in the comments at what stage in life you first started using a vegetable rack. Did you go out and buy it, or was it handed down through the generations? Do you use it only for vegetables, or does a bit of fruit get mingled in too? Perhaps you are a carnivore and don’t even eat vegetables. All perspectives welcome in the comments.

Posted by Dave at 11:17 pm on October 2, 2007 and filed under Cartoons, In-depth analysis, Household hints.

45 Comments

Dear the BBC Weather Forecasters,

It would be really helpful if you could include a ‘washing forecast’ as part of your weather forecast updates.

I have devised a system that you could use to show us whether it is worth putting washing outside on the line to dry or not. First of all you will need to show us a map looking a bit like this:

The numbering system works as follows:

10 is a perfect washing day. Washing hung out on the line will be dry almost as soon as you put it out. It’s a good day to wash thick duvets and winter coats!

5 means that washing placed first thing outside will dry by the end of the day. There may be a little bit of mild dampness around the seams and pockets, but essentially it is a good day to do washing.

0 is the point at which washing will not really be any drier when you take it in than it was when you put it out. This could be because there is no sun or wind or because there are light showers. You could say that there is no point in putting your washing out when a ‘0′ is forecasted. Even a ‘2′ or a ‘3′ would make it worth putting the washing out for a bit, but not a ‘0′.

-5 is washing that gets a lot wetter when hung out because it has been raining. Better to put it over a radiator!

-10. A -10 scenario would be when there is so much rain that the washing is absolutely soaked through and dripping. Frankly, if your washing is outside in ‘-10′ conditions you might as well put it back into the machine and give it another spin.

I am aware that adding a washing forecast to the weather forecast will use precious weather forecast time. I therefore propose that the following items could be cut out:

1. Idle banter with the news presenter
2. News about forthcoming sports events. No-one watches the weather forecast hoping to hear about forthcoming sports events. In particular on the BBC London Weather we do not need to hear Peter Cockroft telling us from his rooftop position which football games we can hear on BBC London 94.9. It is not really of any interest to us.

Yours faithfully,

Dave Walker

Posted by Dave at 12:23 pm on September 26, 2007 and filed under In-depth analysis, Letters.

25 Comments

[The title is a Goon Show quote. Explanation at the end of the post]

I showed this cartoon when I did my live gig last week and as soon as I put it up it got an ‘Oooo’ from the audience. Now, I don’t get a lot of ‘Oooos’ normally, so I didn’t quite know what to make of it. It could mean that the cartoon is a bit sexist, it could mean that the 200 clergy had all had run-ins with ladies groups, or it could mean that the crowd were just hyped up and ready to go ‘Oooo’.

I have since been considering the ways in which churches sometimes hold activities that segregate people into their different sexes. Ladies luncheons, mens beer groups, ladies breakfasts, the ‘young chaps circle’, that sort of thing. I have to say I’m not a great fan of segregation by sex. I’d rather everyone just mingled in together.

I’m wondering whether it is more of an Evangelical thing to do, or whether churches of all kinds segregate people at various times. Certainly in my Evangelical upbringing we were partially segregated for Sunday school and youth groups.

It would be interesting to hear your experiences. Does your church run groups that are just for men or just for women? If so is it an evangelical church, or some other sort? Are you in favour of different groups for men and women, or are you, like me, a minglist (one who believes in mingling). Don’t just become a minglist on my account though, as my views are notoriously ill thought through.

[I’m not sure whether minglist should have an ‘e’ in it. Minglist. Mingleist. Hmmm.]

[As an unrelated aside, here is the Goon Show quote that I mentioned above.

Seagoon: … And now, segregate the sinful sexes-­

Sellers: Wait! How many sexes are there?

Seagoon: Two.

Sellers:It’s not enough I say, go out and order some more.

It is taken from Tales of Old Dartmoor.]

Posted by Dave at 11:59 pm on September 13, 2007 and filed under Cartoons, Church, In-depth analysis, Religion.

29 Comments

I have had cause to glue several pieces of wood together lately, so I thought I would keep you updated.

The budget dining room chair
This became broken because someone had been leaning back on it in the way that we were told not to do at school. I poured some wood glue into the holes and then put it back together. Unfortunately since my gluing the chair has one leg that is longer than the others so the chair wobbles when you sit on it or when a cat jumps on it. At the moment the short leg has a piece of folded-up newspaper underneath it which means that it is approximately level. As a longer term project I plan to cut a little bit off the other three legs (using my saw). This may need to be repeated so it is likely that the chair will become quite a bit lower than our other chairs. We will mainly use it for sitting at coffee tables or to take the humblest seat like it says in the Bible.

The budget two seater settee
This became broken during a particularly lively game of scrabble. One moment I was thinking of words using seven vowels, the next I was on the floor. I poured some wood glue into the holes and then put it back together. I plan to be a bit calmer when playing scrabble in the future.

The budget Argos lightbox
This became broken because it was not very well made in the first place. I use the lightbox to trace cartoons from one sheet of paper to another or to trace things I cannot draw, like horses. The lightbox had been broken for several months and broke into two pieces every time I picked it up to use it, which was a mild annoyance. I poured some wood glue into the holes and then put it back together. From now on I will be doing more cartoons about horses. Actually I do not think I have ever done a cartoon about horses.

Posted by Dave at 11:39 pm on August 17, 2007 and filed under In-depth analysis, Household hints, Utter nonsense.

7 Comments

In this day and age it is right that those who are able should travel to the supermarket by bicycle when they can. I find though that when I do so I often encounter problems transporting groceries, especially if they are delicate or malleable. My bread, as the jottings above indicate, often ends up rucksack shaped at the end of the trip which means that the bread burns in the toaster as it is misshapen into untoasterly forms.

I think that I need some better means to carry delicate groceries by bicycle. Perhaps some panniers, though most panniers that I have seen look a bit small and still liable to crush bread. I could attach a large plastic box onto the rear rack, but that would look a bit unstylish and clash with the sleek lines of my bicycle.

In the old days bicycles had baskets, but these are now frowned upon in areas such as South East Essex. I think some more innovative solutions are called for, hence the drawing of the bread-carrying hat above.

How do you get your bread home?

Posted by Dave at 6:01 pm on August 9, 2007 and filed under Cartoons, In-depth analysis, Cycling, Religion.

26 Comments

The Pope has said that non-Catholics are not the proper church. Well, he didn’t actually say it, but a document with his name on does say it so for the sake of this post we’ll assume he did say it in the planning meetings for the document. I have been trying to get my head around this as it could now be the case that us non-Catholics have not been the proper church all along when we thought we were. It seems to me that our status as the proper church or otherwise depends largely upon whether the Pope was speaking infallibly when he said it. If I understand things correctly the Pope sometimes speaks infallibly and sometimes doesn’t.

Here is my analysis:

If the Pope was speaking infallibly and was right then the Catholics are the proper church, making us non-Catholics not the proper church.

If the Pope was speaking infallibly and was wrong, then he was not speaking infallibly. Therefore the Catholics are not the proper church. Us non-Catholics would therefore be the proper church, but the Catholics certainly would not be.

If the Pope was speaking fallibly and was right then it would at first appear that us non-Catholics are not the proper church. But, a later Pope could overturn this when speaking infallibly, in which case us non-Catholics would be the proper church even though we had thought that we were not the proper church. Of course this later Pope might be wrong, in which case the Catholics would be proved to be not the proper church, making us the proper church.

If the Pope was speaking fallibly and was wrong then us non-Catholics are the proper church. The Catholics could still be the proper church too though, as you can’t blame the Pope for getting it wrong when speaking fallibly. After all, we all do that.

Of course, it could still be the case in several of these instances that neither the Catholics or us non-Catholics are the proper church, but that a third party that we have not yet thought of are the proper church and neither us nor the Catholics are the proper church. I do not intend to discuss this though as it makes the situation unnecessarily complicated which I do not want to do.

[Minor update to remove mistake made due to fallibility]

Posted by Dave at 1:02 pm on July 12, 2007 and filed under Church, In-depth analysis, Ecumenical matters, Religion.

20 Comments

This is a three minute cartoon, which explains why it looks a bit odd. The dogs look like crosses between sheep and rabbits, but that is just the angle. The man walking is stooped over owing to the burdensome cares of life which are weighing heavily upon his weary shoulders. The trees are just there for scenic effect, so I have put a minimal amount of effort into them. You will notice that there is one tree near the three dog walkers, but three trees near the single non dog walker. This is hidden symbolism.

I have noticed that it is not really acceptable to go walking in our local country park without a dog or a child. I suppose this is why people have dogs or children. The advantage of a dog over a child is that a dog can be walked on any day of the week, whereas children are mainly walked at the weekends.

Yesterday I went walking for about two hours. We are blessed with a country park that is a few minutes from the house and it does not take long to get to a point where you could be in the countryside as long as you go in one particular direction. From some of the lofty points you can see Canary Wharf and the Gherkin, as we are the first bit of quite high ground that you come to if you go east from London. It really was quite beautiful yesterday evening, what with the sunshine and everything.

I have put up a poll in the left hand column to see what you take when you go walking. It will help me to see whether I am odd when I walk, or whether it is the people giving me odd looks who are odd.

[Update: results of poll are to the right.]

Posted by Dave at 7:44 pm on July 2, 2007 and filed under Essex Life, In-depth analysis.

29 Comments