See the larger version of this cartoon here: Differing heights.

I, being towards the taller end of thingst, often feel awkward when I find myself in a central seat near the front in church (well, in truth I often feel awkward in any seat, but that is another story). This is because I’m certain I’m blocking those behind me from seeing the clip art on the overhead powerpoint. This cartoon is my attempt to provide solutions to this problem.

How about you? Are you among the blockers or the blocked? What solutions do you have to the problem? Please feel free to make any comments on this issue, one of the most pressing for today’s church. In preparation for the debate I have categorised this post under ‘in-depth analysis’.

I should mention that this, along with the other cartoons I’ve posted this week, is taken from the Canterbury Press book ‘The exciting world of churchgoing‘, now available with 10 (ten) % (percent) off.

A new cartoon has been posted on the main CartoonChurch site – click this link for the larger version: In the vestry. Information on republishing can also be found via that page.

The cartoon is all to do with the things that happen in vestries before the service starts. I have not been allowed in a vestry before a service starts for years, so I really have very little idea what goes on. I have heard rumours that some churches even employ heavily disguised security staff specifically to keep me out. This diagram is therefore based entirely on second hand information and heresy hearsay. If anyone can enlighten me, about this, or indeed about anything, then please feel free to do so.

Some more cartoons will be posted in the next few days as it has been a while. I am also determined to turn over a bit of a blogging leaf from this point onwards. More about that another time.

Click here for full version.

New on the main CartoonChurch.com site: the full version (this is a mere extract) of ‘the bishop’s chaplain‘, which explains the main duties. This cartoon can be published subject to the usual licence requirements. It originally appeared in the Church Times newspaper and the book ‘The Exciting World of Churchgoing‘.

If you’re a bishop’s chaplain who has just surfed in accidentally whilst scouring the internet for bishop’s chaplain news then hello, welcome, well done, etc.

For a larger more readable version click here: the discernment process.

This is another from the latest book. It took a certain amount of research and talking to people if I remember correctly, and I’m sure it bears no relation to reality, but I quite like it. The final result turned out to be a bit more detailed than intended so had to be printed at a larger size thereby causing all sorts of minor problems.

If you’d like to print this in a parish magazine / presentation / handout in the hope of persuading people to be ordained then this link has information about how to do so.

You can see a larger and more readable version of this cartoon, along with republication information, here on the main site.

I will leave you to decide which of the sort of churchgoer you are.

This is the very first cartoon from the book The Exciting World of Churchgoing. If you start at page 1 and then give up this is the only cartoon you will see. It is also the first of a large batch of cartoons (ten) I will be uploading to the CartoonChurch site over the next while or two. There will be one a day, or perhaps two a day if I am keen or none a day if I am busy.

Hat by Joel I. The only one to feature space for a quiche. Good to have season flexibility and balancing requirements considered too.

‘Hats for choir members’ by Judith R. A selection of church styles has been considered, as has a range of climatic conditions. I can see some mild chaos as the free church choir run after their blown-away headgear.

Angel hat by David Bowen. He writes ‘The purpose of the choir hat that I have designed is to remind the congregation that they are but part of a larger spiritual realm in which the angels participate in worship’.

Chris C has drawn these hats from above. I won’t pretend to understand all of the symbolism – there is some debate at CartoonChurch HQ as to whether the four items on the pro women bishops hat are flowers or pom poms. No doubt Chris or indeed someone else will be happy to enlighten us.

These are Sara’s designs. The hat is accompanied by a CSI-style kevlar vest (credit to the Unshelved.com Library Raid collection and St Leonard for the idea). This design is definitely for you if you feel, whilst singing in the choir, that some kind of bulletproof body-warmer is appropriate.

Anne’s Mark 1 choir hat, which has every kind of advanced feature you could require. Note that it does require the ‘amenities dispenser’ (available separately).

This design is one my wife drew and threw in the bin. I quite liked it though, hence its inclusion. The bracket can be used for music or to house a mirror, for vanity or to enable awareness of manoeuvres being carried out by choir members in the back row.

Lastly a couple that I have drawn, although this one was Sara’s idea. There are secret compartments for biscuits, periscopes and strepsils. The points can be raised or lowered to access the oddments using a series of pulleys attached to the handle.

Finally, my church choir hat. Flags of different liturgical colours can be flown, and lowered to half-mast during times of national mourning.

Thanks once again for all contributions. Feel free to debate these hats in the comments below, or on Twitter using the #choirhats (not currently trending) hashtag.

Update: Crimperman on Twitter has kindly posted a design just as I’m leaving the office (hence not included) – you can see it here.

If you’ve ever wondered what clergy keep under their cassock then my cassock cartoon may help. Click that link for the full version. This picture is from The Exciting World of Churchgoing, the paper version of the book of the same name.

I have you, the commenters on this blog, to thank for this cartoon. On 8 January 2008 I asked for help on the subject, and was overwhelmed with good ideas. So thank you.

A rumour has sprung forth that I have been elected to General Synod. I received the following e-mail from my vicar following a conversation on the subject: ‘Most of the Chelmsford Diocese seems to think you are on it and I was so convinced by them that I’ve put it in the Notice Sheet! OOOPs!’

This is dissatisfactory state of affairs because once something is in the Notice Sheet it more or less becomes true by nature of the stature of the publication. If I am not careful it will become the talk of the parish and I will have to attend services this Sunday in person just so as to convince people that the Notice Sheet is not infallible.

I’d therefore like to take this opportunity to reassure readers that (a) I am not on General Synod, and (b) I am not the Bishop of Dudley, David Walker. To friends of the Bishop of Dudley, David Walker, I’d like to say (1) He is on General Synod, and (2) he is not me.

I hope this clears things up.

The list of who is actually on General Synod is kept on a list maintained by Peter Owen. As you can see I am not on it. It is not the official list, but it might as well be as everyone refers to it, including the officials who organise General Synod. I myself have typed ‘Peter Owen Synod’ into Google about twelve times today just to check whether I was on General Synod. If Peter wanted to cause synodical havoc he would be ideally placed to do so. I on the other hand, am hoping to learn about saving bookmarks at this Saturday’s Advanced Christian Computing Conference. More about that later.

Update: Notice that will appear in our church notice sheet:

Today’s cartoon is entitled ‘Numbers’ – this is one quarter of it, see the full version here. There are instructions on that page if you’d like to do things like republish it, etc. This cartoon is taken from the latest book, the Exciting World of Churchgoing.

While I’m writing I’d just like to mention the people who responded to my rather grumpy tweet earlier, which I made after (among other things) discovering that the only review (by Leone from Lancashire) of my latest calendar on Amazon gave it one star out of five. Thanks to everyone who responded with extra reviews and clicking of buttons to improve my calendar rating to 4.5 stars, which is as much as one would dare to hope for from any calendar. It was very kind of you. This now makes this calendar my most reviewed item, the books having received somewhere between zero and one reviews each. So – thank you!

Why do people make notes during the sermon? Find out in the latest cartoon I’ve uploaded to CartoonChurch.com, entitled Making notes. This one is from the new book, the Exciting World of Churchgoing. I’ve even created a new section for cartoons from that book, and all being well they will appear daily this week (Mondays-Fridays only).

I make notes all the time. Even at dinner parties. I don’t find I get invited to a lot of dinner parties these days. No idea why.

I have about three notebooks on the go at any one time, and multiple sheets of paper / napkins / service sheets. A lot of these I lose, or they end up in big piles of paper which are then (once a year) transferred to big files of paper. Sometimes I look through the big files but all I find are sheets of paper with nonsensical scribbles on them. It is a system that has never failed not to work.

Hope you enjoy the cartoons this week. Feel free to send me ideas on (unused) napkins – address on the left there (or right, I forget).