We have one or more squirrels in the roof. I hear it, or them, pacing inside the soffits. There is no way to tell how many squirrels there are, because in the time it takes to move the stepladder to the loft hatch, work out how to open the step ladder, work out how to open the loft hatch, find someone to hold the ladder steady and pop ones head up into the loft space the squirrel(s) have long since gone or hidden. For the purposes of this essay I shall assume one squirrel.
Possible ways to get rid of a squirrel in the roof:
1. Scare it away with flashing bicycle lights and the Divine Comedy pumped in at medium volume (no particular reason for it being the Divine Comedy except that I’ve never heard of a squirrel liking the Divine Comedy). Problem: The neighbours might be disturbed.
2) Find the hole where it is getting in, and block it. Issues: (a) I have been watching for a while and I have not seen any holes (2) The hole could belong to a neighbour’s house. We are not detached and I believe our soffets and lofts are linked by a hidden maze of squirrel tunnels.
3) Send up the cats. Difficulty: Our cats would be more trouble in the roof than our squirrel.
4) Borrow a squirrel cage, trap the squirrel and release it inside the M25 (we are outside the M25).
5) Call someone who knows about these sorts of things.
6) Write about it on my internet web blog and hope that my readers include a fully licenced diocesan squirrel catcher.
Questions for Lent groups:
i) Tell the group about a time you had a squirrel in your roof.
ii) List some of the spiritual ‘squirrels’ you have faced and how you overcame them.