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March 25th, 2008

Rubbing sultana wound

Consider the following seasonal treats:

What do they all have in common? Let me tell you. Sultanas. Or some sort of currant / raisin-type thing.

It seems to me that people who don’t like these sorts of dried fruits are often excluded in our modern-day society, just as they have been for generations. And it happens most of all around the time of major Christian festivals.

Take my wife as an example. She doesn’t like dried fruits, so a packet of hot cross buns takes six days to get through in this household as it is only I who eat them. I only eat one a day you see. I put them in the toaster and then complain that it is difficult to get them out.

Anyway, that’s as far as my argument goes. Feel free to discuss.

PS. Yes, it is the worst blog-post title ever in the history of the Cartoon Blog. It is a cry for help. Most people won’t understand it, but I don’t care. Someone somewhere will enjoy it, and if it makes them happy for three or four seconds it will have been worth it. Anyone who can think of a better raisin / currant / sultana pun can have five points.

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51 Responses to “Rubbing sultana wound”


  1. sophs says:

    It takes our house a day to get through a pack of six. Occasionally two of us have eaten over a pack in one sitting, but that was a dissertation day so we have an excuse.

    March 25th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
  2. veritas says:

    I don’t like sultanas. They look like flies in a pudding. I don’t like flies.

    March 25th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
  3. Emma says:

    Never mind. I’m sure the folk who hate currants etc. can make up for things with all the Easter and Christmas chocolate.

    March 25th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
  4. veritas says:

    Love of chocolate leads to obesity. Easter chocolate is wrapped in all kinds of stuff that is not good for the environment. As for eating the Easter Bunny!

    March 25th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
  5. Phill says:

    I was going to make a terrible pun about avoiding sultanas being your wife’s raisin d’etre, but then I thought the better of it.

    *phew* – that was a close one!

    March 25th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
  6. Aaron Orear says:

    This is a good post on a currant issue facing our church…

    March 25th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
  7. Lexie says:

    I thought I was the only one who found it hard to get them out of the toaster – I have tried tipping up the toaster and fishing them out with a knife shoved though the middle but alas, they just slip back down again! and my work surface ends up with burned ashes.
    Is it worth it I ask myself? For that sumptious taste – absolutely!

    I wonder is there a theological reason for using Raisins/Currents in Christian calendar cakes (3 c’s there – Is that aliteration?) :-)

    March 25th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
  8. veritas says:

    You shouldn’t need to toast hot cross buns. You guys just bought stale ones. Heat them in a microwave.

    March 25th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
  9. DAN says:

    Well, I thought the pun was hilarious, so it was worth it for you, Dave!

    March 25th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
  10. Peter Kirk says:

    Problem solved easily: send me all your surplus sultanas. I love ‘em!

    March 25th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
  11. Anne says:

    I say “Eeuwh!” I don’t like any of them–raisins, currants, sultanas (which we call golden raisins). I’ll take it a step further and assert that I also don’t like most candied or glace fruits–little bits of pineapple and those awful bright green and red cherries that you find cut up in Christmas fruitcakes. That lets me right out of all sorts of festive religious baking. Lexie, I suspect that the reason we find them in our holiday breads and cakes probably dates back to the time when drying a fruit was a means of preserving it.

    March 25th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
  12. DAN says:

    By the way, in our household, we stocked up with 12 packets of Hot Cross Buns on Maundy Thursday, which had all disappeared by Easter Sunday, so we all starved. (Apart from the roast pork, etc etc).

    “This isn’t just Easter food – this is M&S Easter food”

    March 25th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
  13. Byron Smith says:

    My father-in-law is a classic case in point and he does feel excluded, at least until this easter he discovered chocolate hot cross buns – choc chips instead of raisins.

    March 25th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
  14. Lexie says:

    Thanks for that Anne – I thought there must be a reason for the usage in most traditional fayre.
    Microvawe them? Ive never tried that! (Going to give it a go though!)

    March 25th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
  15. redrockingreindeer says:

    Oooh. Chocolate hot cross buns. Where? Where?

    I am a former raisin hater, who has now converted to reluctantly eating them, since my children like them and offer them to me on regular basis. They still look like flies, though.

    March 25th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
  16. veritas says:

    Warning Lexie, my children remind me that I burn hotdogs in the microwave.

    March 25th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
  17. Dave says:

    Sophs – I could get more than one if I tried, I grant you. But I need to pace myself.

    Emma -indeed. There are alternative recipes for these things too.

    Veritas – than you for the warning about the perils of chocolate. It is a minefield. As for the microwave – really? But I like crispy edges!

    Phill / Aaron – great! Five points each.

    Lexie – good question about the theological basis for currants. I remember ‘sacred raisin cakes’ as being quite bad things in the Bible if anything.

    Dan – thanks. I knew someone would enjoy it.

    Peter – careful. You start with sultanas, before you know it it’ll lead onto… something slightly bigger. Prunes.

    Anne – I’m not sure I’m familiar with the green cherries in cakes. Or have I just put them out of my mind?

    Byron. I knew there were others out there. Chocolate hot cross buns – I will be on the lookout next year.

    Lexie (again). Let us know how you find the microwaving method.

    March 25th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
  18. Chris says:

    Some would say you are raisin a ruckus with a post like this, but obviously it’s just the currant state of things.

    I’ll fetch my coat.

    March 25th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
  19. Anne says:

    Dave, it might be that green cherries, like certain would-be religious booksellers, are an article best kept on this side of the Pond. If you don’t have them over there, you’re not missing much.

    (So sorry. I just had to say it.)

    March 25th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
  20. Buzz says:

    How about raisin the standard of sultana references? To be candied, if you prune them a little, perhaps they’ll a-peel more to those who currantly don’t give a fig.

    March 25th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
  21. Dave says:

    Chris – you can have 2.5 point for each of those, so that puts you on 5 as well. It’s a tie thus far!

    Anne – I’m not known for being observant. Can anyone else help me out – do we put green cherries in cakes over here?

    Buzz – Great stuff, especially the ‘candied’ one. If it’s ok with you I’m putting you on five points too.

    March 25th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
  22. rosamundi says:

    You can get green glace cherries over here. And yellow ones and bright red ones and dark red ones.

    March 26th, 2008 at 12:20 am
  23. Chris Upton says:

    Why not do your toasting under the grill?

    March 26th, 2008 at 4:40 am
  24. Chris says:

    I’m rubbish at puns, so I won’t even bother. Sorry Dave.

    The title of the post brought back nasty memories from the weekend though – rubbing stuff into wounds. I poked a bit of cardboard under my finger nail while cooking (initial ouch) and then proceeded to use said finger while pinching some cayeene pepper, which I then rubbed hard into my meat ball mixture – double ouch. Not content with that I decided to squeeze some lemon juice into a saucepan, for a sauce, over the already quite sore finger. Triple ouch.

    Thanks for reminding me.

    BTW, I like things with sultanas in, particularly Christmas Puddings. I have over a dozen sat on my shelf waiting to be eaten. :-)

    March 26th, 2008 at 8:18 am
  25. Phelim McIntyre says:

    Its not just hot cross buns, why is it so difficult to get hold of a decent bread and butter pudding?

    As to toast or not to toast – I find that the microwave makes them too soggy and I prefer them nice and crisp. I have a very wide toaster so can put them it that or put them under the grill. My fear is that tea cakes, hot cross buns etc will go the same way as the humble English muffin.

    March 26th, 2008 at 8:56 am
  26. veritas says:

    Said the hot cross bun to the raisin, “No way I’m raisin’ the hatches to let you in. Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin. I saw what happened to the three little pigs and red riding hood.”

    Thanks guys for the laughs.

    March 26th, 2008 at 9:04 am
  27. WhyNotSmile says:

    I live with someone who:
    1. Is allergic to nuts (hence no marzipan)
    and
    2. Hates peel or anything of that nature.

    I have long since given up on buying Hot Cross Buns (I also have had stuck-in-the-toaster issues) and instead just go to Marks and Spencer where they often dish out free ones. I also do the rounds of the local churches who hand these things out free in the run up to Easter.

    March 26th, 2008 at 9:24 am
  28. Chris Clark says:

    Maddy_c doesn’t like them but imagine being a sultan and being offered to eat ones wife…

    Reminds me about a parent talking about her child…half the time I wished I could eat him the other half half I wish I had…

    My grandson…15 months likes sultanas a lot but his mum calls them raisins so as to not confuse him with banana’s ….is there any hope for our future?

    This is the worst post to go with your worst blog…

    What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole…Hot Cross Bunnies…

    March 26th, 2008 at 9:31 am
  29. Jaded for Jesus says:

    Phew, for a moment there I thought the combo of “sultana” and “wound” was ushering in a story about hot cross bun injuries – those fruity little bits do get awfully hot. Thank goodness you navigated safely around that seasonal hazard, Dave!

    Green cherries – could you possibly mean candied angelica? Surely there can be no better fruit for religious baking?

    March 26th, 2008 at 9:47 am
  30. Russ says:

    You’ve clearly got people very excited here, Dave, on a topic of major importance :)

    I take hot cross buns very seriously and I agree that toasting them can be hazardous. My technique involves using the handles of wooden spoons to lever them out of the toaster, but there’s always a currant or two that falls out and makes the toaster smoke. Good for checking our smoke alarm is working, I guess.

    Don’t get me started on the puns, but here are a few:

    Currant affairs
    Sultanas of Swing
    Raisins to be fearful

    By the way, my solution is: buy tea bread. It’s symmetrical, it’s like a loaf, it fits neatly into the toaster and tastes pretty much the same as hot cross buns. Easy peasy.

    March 26th, 2008 at 9:57 am
  31. Pax Vobiscum says:

    Well, having just finished my Easter Christmas pud, laced with cognac and full of all sorts of dried fruits – including the famous green cherries (but the yellow ones taste best, just like blue Penguins are always far tastier than red or green ones) and having downed copious quantities of HCBs over the last few weeks, for breakfast, lunch and all stations in between I can testify to the all round versatility of this generous little bun.

    HCBs (not to be confused with HTB) can be winkled out of the toaster most effectively by those long prong-forked skewery things which came with the sort of fondue set that was most popular (somewhere) in the 1980s. These are also great for retrieving the escaped dried fruits from the bottom of the toaster. Please turn said toaster off at the mains first.

    Due to popular demand you can now get Hot Cross Loaves, already sliced but with the cross draped over the top of the whole loaf. Another cultural icon bites the dust…

    March 26th, 2008 at 10:22 am
  32. Steve Hearn says:

    God made the grape and then man dried it out and made a sultana. I much prefer Santana (the band) and a glass of wine… its good for the stomach!

    March 26th, 2008 at 10:27 am
  33. Dave says:

    Thanks for all the replies – great stuff.

    Just to say – I’m turning the internet off for the rest of the day as I’ve got so much to do that I must not look at the web again until this evening, tempting as it is to log in for the latest raisin news. I’m hiding my laptop internet card downstairs where I can’t find it – seriously – that’s what I do.

    This means any comments made from now (10.30am) may go unmoderated and thus not appear until this evening.

    March 26th, 2008 at 10:36 am
  34. Richard says:

    New Christmas motto: Jesus – the raisin for the season?

    March 26th, 2008 at 11:10 am
  35. Mrs. C says:

    Raixin d’etre

    I just helped my daughter Olivia make 40 dozen hot crossed buns for a fundraiser. (she’s going to Taize this summer) Safe to say our buns are tired and a bit crossed. Carry on!

    March 26th, 2008 at 11:59 am
  36. Cosmo says:

    It’s reasuring to know that others struggle with the HCB/toaster issue. Here’s what I do:

    After the bun has toasted but not popped out, lower it back in half way and then ram the handle back up so it flies out.

    It can be rather entertaining and helps pass the time while the tea is brewing.

    March 26th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
  37. Smudgie says:

    I thought the reason for eating hot cross buns was that, like Christ, “raisen again”.

    March 26th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
  38. joe says:

    Due to our local-food-lent exercise, we’ve been thinking a lot about where things come from.

    One surprising thing is how many of our ‘traditional’ foods contain ingredients that do not grow here. Obvious really, but I hadn’t thought about it before.

    March 26th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
  39. Smudgie says:

    (by the way, the e in the second to last word is, of course, an i. You’re just looking at it wrong. )

    March 26th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
  40. Jael says:

    We handed out 6 dozen free hot-cross buns with palm crosses to passers by & shoppers at the shops near our Church on Good Friday.
    On the napkin/servette was an explanation about why hot cross buns on Good Friday.
    Most people happily took them.
    Many were suprised we were giving them away for free.
    “I will look forward to eating that later”.
    Said one woman -I hope she was speaking about the hot cross bun :-)

    March 26th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
  41. Ann says:

    BTW – what do you get when pour hot water down a rabbit hole?

    Hot cross buns!

    My favorite joke of the season.

    March 26th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
  42. Lexie says:

    Sorry Veritas – alas the Microwave just doesn’t cut the mustard!!!
    They are hot, no denying that BUT they lack the essential TOASTED tops. Essential as the butter (Or low-fat Marg, whatever your preference!)
    NEEDS the crispier top to melt while withstanding the soaking process.

    I do, however agree with you on the Hotdog situation – they do pop on many occasions!

    March 26th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
  43. John Bennett says:

    Ann,

    Er, shouldn’t that be
    Hot Cross Bunnies?

    March 26th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
  44. Ann says:

    OH right – hot cross bunnies. Oh well — I will have to tell again next year and try to get it correct.

    March 27th, 2008 at 4:21 am
  45. Liz says:

    Some people think that a pun is its own reword, I however, find it all beyond raisin…

    March 27th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
  46. Steve says:

    I’m really sorry, I just thought that the title to the post was gibberish until I read your PS and realised it was a joke. Oops.
    Our household of two adults and five children munched their way through approx 50 hot cross buns during Good Friday (approx because we had to estimate the numbers given by the Mothers’ Union at the morning service), so one per day sounds excessively frugal.

    March 27th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
  47. ChrisB says:

    I get them out of the toaster using the plastic tong thingies that come with a sandwich toaster…I find this less worrrying than having to turn the toaster upside down. It may work for you!

    March 27th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
  48. webweaver.pttw says:

    Why not just use a toaster oven which appear available on your side of the pond to heat your hot cross buns?

    And does anyone have a recipe for the chocolate chip containing hot cross buns? I like sultana’s but I love chocolate.

    March 28th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
  49. Mike Smith says:

    I’ve no hot cross puns for you, but I do have a potential toaster-solution (that doesn’t involve buying specialised kitchen equipment): I find if I just lie my HCBs on TOP of the toaster (so the side you will butter is face down), seems to provide a sufficient level of toastage while not having the issues of later HCB extraction.

    I figure this thread’s mostly finished, but I really felt I had to share this.

    Good luck,

    Mike.

    March 29th, 2008 at 10:09 am
  50. Silver Queen says:

    Thanks a bun(ch) Dave for starting this particular hare/rabbit/bunny – made a blessed light interlude in the dark and ever more unbelievable tale of the Brothers Grimm and the
    once-Christian bookshops.

    They know not what they do.

    March 30th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
  51. Emma says:

    I did blow up a toaster once when trying to fish out a hot cross bun with a knife. I was glad it was a plastic handled knife. I was sad about the toaster. I haven’t learnt my lesson though – I still do the same thing…. and I don’t have plastic handled cutlery anymore…

    April 3rd, 2008 at 10:00 pm