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Todays idea appeal subject is ‘family services’, or ‘all age services’. Questions:
Anything you can tell me would be a help. Thanks again in advance.
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Shouldn’t every service be for all ages and all families? or is it compulsory to have infantile and embarrassing sermon illustrations and services that go on for too long so they put all families off from ever coming again?
Also – who decides how many times you have to repeat choruses?
A good all age service should:
1. have a bitesize portion of Christian aerobics where the children cringe (without doing any actions) whilst their parents and older people in the church do some very silly movements to a range of,generally, theologically poor songs
2. have a bitesize portion of interactive stuff where the children sit and refuse to co-operate whilst the poor vicar / minister / priest (delete as appropriate) does their best with some blue peter type prop they (or their spouse) has spent the last week making
3. have a slightly longer than bitesize portion of talky stuff for the adults which sends the kids to sleep
4. have a bitesize chunk of drama relating to a bible passage which bears an uncanny resemblance to a monty python sketch and is actually very funny, but only a small proportion of the congregation seem able to bring themselves to laugh in church
5. have a very old hymn on the organ just to keep the older people happy
6. have no relevance and actually become quite painful for those who are single, no longer have any contact with their children or generally don’t fit into the 2 adults, 2.4 kids, a guinea pig and a Ford Mondeo model of family
Note- this may have been an overly cynical view of all age services caused by a servere prejudice about the things and in no way reflects real life 
I find that it helps to have families in a family service.
Essentials for a family service:
1. Families.
2. Sermon in a language aimed at anybody under the age of 9. I think this may possibly come under the banner of ‘inclusive language’.
3. Children under the age of 9 doing anything except listening to the sermon.
4. Parents ignoring their children getting on the nerves of people like me who forgot that it was the 2nd Sunday in the month, but are too polite to just turn around and go home.
5. The noisier and messier the better.
6. Anything goes as long as it gives the BCP crowd something to moan about.
7. At the end of the service all MUST leave the church without tidying anything away or mopping up spillages of any kind.
Being allergic to children and not being a fan of BCP communion, it is always a pleasure to get a lie in on the 2nd Sunday of each month, if I remember.
I am sure that there is a time and place for family services. Oh yes 1030, 2nd Sunday of the month, unless that Sunday falls on a major festival, which would mean moving it to the 3rd Sunday.
Does not ‘all age worship’ happen at 7:30PM on a Wednesday?, where the same rules apply as for a family service, but is really aimed at teenagers.
I guess the two could be likened to the TV programmes ‘Tiswas’ and ‘OTT’.
Organised chaos is probably the best description of our Family Services. Most hymns are usually accompanied by the Finchampstead Symphony Orchestra – all of the kids with an assortment of musical instruments from the ‘Band Box’ – although some of the oldies probably would rename it the ‘Banned Box’ after the occasions it’s been tried at some of the other services!
A children’s action song – the older the better. Either that or as embarassing for the adults to do as possible or written by Doug Horley or Ishamael or as many of these combinations as possible. If in doubt go for “If I we’re a butterfly”.
A huddle of bitter singletons muttering under their breath at the indignity/unfairness/awfulness/insensitivity of it all.
This has the advantage that when you come to do your Mothering Sunday cartoon you can use the same cartoon but just make the huddle bigger to include all those who also hate their mother/want to be a mother but can’t for whatever reason/have been bereaved/etc etc.
My goodness I’ve got issues, based on years of cringey experience. For a less bitter take on the whole thing, just read Tractor Girl’s far superior post.
A vital element in planning such a thing is in catering for ALL ages.* This should involve a checklist such s
0-5 years – something cute
6-10 years – something involving animals
11-14 years – something RELEVANT
15-18 years something they can consider “lame”
19-29 years – something aspirational yet cool
30-45 years – something for their children
45-60 years something they can complain isn’t for them
60-70 years – something they can’t quite hear
70+ years – something cute
This may well be a SLIGHTLY pigeon-holing list ;o)
* other age brackets may apply
We often get ‘something to take away’, ranging from pin-badges, balloons, coloured cards with verses on, marbles, sweets etc. Each with various (sometimes tenuous) connections to the theme of the service for reminders.
The music group will be willing to play some cinrge-worthy songs which haven’t seen light since Mission Praise, but which are at least quite fast and lively.
There may be mandatory commotion as interaction is suggested between random members of large congregations, with all but the stubbornest leaving their pews for a few minutes.
Papier Maché visual aids may remain around church property indefinitely, possibly being re-modelled for future use.
um, a wild guess, not at all linked to my own personal feelings….
very stressed parents of young children wondering at which point they extract their young boisterous son from the proceedings whilst still trying to appear ‘okay with it all’ and ‘not at all stressed’, oh and don’t forget ‘knowing all the other people in the whole place are trying to be ‘okay with it all’, but are really ‘irritated by small active chilcren”
I’m not ever so convinced about all-age services, can you tell?
x Jody
This is too important a subject to be reduced to cynical mithering.
ALL services should be all-age. We’re worshipping God – it is mysterious, amazing, scary, warming, wonderful, intangible.
Worship is not about comfort. It is about tearing the veil between heaven and earth. Sometimes it is easier for children to do that/experience that than us older ones. It can be comforting, but not comfortable.
Humour and silliness can help us learn profound truths about God. They can deflate pomposity (especially in the clergy) and lead to a new humility. That is as true for adults as children.
Making worhsip challenging for everyone is vital for growth. Its is NOT the same as expecting 5 year olds to sit attentively throughout BCP Evensong. But it does allow that sometimes a 5 year old will catch a glimpse of the ineffable God through a slither of the BCP which they won’t find in ‘If I were a butterfly’.
Rant over.
I find myself stuck between Tractor Girl’s observations and those of Pax Vobiscum. I think that all worship should help all (people) worship. However, some find BCP Evensong a bit scary on first meeting (I did, at the age of 37!).
Dave asked for our help in ideas about elements in All Age Services and how we feel about them. I find that worship which involves and engages with those there is good – sometimes this involves drama, action songs and less traditional songs. Congregations hereabouts (rural Hampshire) seem prepared to give most things a go.
My children told me that a good service should have a good story and good food (more than just watching others eating wafers and having a sip of wine) – just what I like too!
Pax Vobiscum I actually agree totally. The serious point of the cynical mithering was that within alot of services, particularly “family” services people are excluded and we actually put barriers in place of them connecting with God.
Also because of the fact being totally inclusive for all ages is very hard work and often doesn’t show the obvious benefits we would hope to see people are often discouraged, yet it is vital we keep doing it. The times when children are in church, either for the whole service or a slot at the beginning, are important even if they’re not easy. Also I think that good worship songs which have words that are easy for young children to grasp are important, but I don’t think that should be an excuse for us to let anything go.
Hope this clarifies.
I read here a lot, but I’ve never posted.
The family services is a new idea to me. I first heard of it at Christmas eve service when I was visiting a church that wasn’t my home church.
You people are very funny. I have never experienced a family service so I don’t know if all the other comments were based in truth or not. At my church (a reformed southern baptist church in texas usa), we have the children 3+ in with us every service. They are well behaved and we don’t have any special things for the children. We just expect that since Christ told parents to raise their children in the admonition of the Lord, then children can learn by example – their parents’ example. I might be getting too serious here. I think that parents shouldn’t be embarrassed by their children – children sometimes cry, sometimes make loud noises, sometimes say things you wish they wouldn’t. But more than entertaining for any age group, each service should be life changing. I don’t think that a ten year old can only learn a life changing lesson via felt boards. I don’t know what grammar school is like in the UK but here in the US, we have a classroom full of children and they have to sit and listen for extended periods of time with no felt boards. If a child can learn arithmetic and writing without felt boards every day of the week for hours, then he can learn about Jesus for one hour on Sunday without them as well.
I feel I’m picking on felt boards. and I wish to issue an apology to all felt boards everywhere; I thoroughly enjoy their use and didn’t mean to offend, only to simply state that there are other ways to learn.
I’m with Pax. We don’t have “family services” at our church because all our services are “family services.” On most Sundays, children have their own “Ministry of the Word” in terms of Christian education. They come in with the rest of us after the sermon for the “main” part of the service. We don’t differentiate between ages for receiving Holy Communion. It’s entirely possible that these kids will grow to adulthood without remembering a time when they were not welcome at their Father’s table. From time to time, often on “teachable” occasions such as when there is a Baptism, the children participate more actively in the service by singing an anthem, performing a play (in lieu of the sermon), or having a sermon directed more towards them–complete with something to take home.
The only real “family service” we have each year is at 5 p.m. on Christmas eve. Adults who don’t care for the informality can attend the 11 p.m. service. Aside from that, children are involved every Sunday of the year. I like this. My own children are grown, but the Household of Faith includes Christians of all ages.
Children attacking each other with flags on the platform at the front while the parents stand blissfully unaware in the pews (probably with their eyes shut, but not necessarily).
When I was a kid the adult world was not expected to cater to me, I was expected to grow up into the adult world.
But then I have no children and was born a little old man.
mmmmm – Family Services. We have them but constantly trying to think of a new title for them. All-Aged worship doesn’t do the trick. Any suggestions?
I love hearing babies crying and toddlers fidgeting. If that sounds facetious, it’s not. To me it’s a sign of life and a sign of inclusivity and welcome. The sound of wailing and whining in the middle of the liturgy always brings a smile to my face. I hate it if a baby starts crying and the mother immediately picks it up and takes it out. I want to shout over, Hey, it’s a baby – that’s what babies do! Bring him on in! That’s what I love about family services.
Of course, if toddlers are whining, you might question whether the service is really any good as a family service… And therein lies the flaw in my remarks… But anyway…
I love all age worship. We have two big squares at the front of our church filled with toys for kids to play with. On All Age service Sunday, I hide them!
You need:
* Interactive Story Telling
* Dancing for the little kids
* A hymn (for all the reasons mentioned above).
* To remember what a nightmare it is having a two year old in church.
* Sweets
* Boys Brigade
* A 45 minute time limit that you stick to.
Part of the core of the monthly family service at St Matthew’s Chapel Allerton over a number of years now has been the all age music group. I left a couple of years ago now, but understand it is still going strong.
(when I say ‘all age’ I mean about 8-80, but as soon as you could play something you were in. I played the trumpet for a while, but was put well into the shade by a ten-year-old prodigy.)
There were regularly 40-50 people playing at every standard from primary recorder to concert, and the music group was growing faster than the congregation.
Then there was the fantastic team of 10 or so people who put the thing together, chose the themes, and drew in all sorts of people from the congregation to take part or to help in some way.
Not worship delivered by the few for the many, but the worship of the whole people of God.
The family service I attend is with my brothers and sisters in Christ, when we gather round the altar to celebrate Mass presided over by our priest, to offer our prayers to our Father in heaven, whilst invoking the prayers of our heavenly Mother, Mary. Are there other forms of family service????
The notion of an “all age” worship service is something I’ve only seen in the UK. It makes me wonder if you really love your children, that you throw them a church bone once a month. Or maybe you really dislike your religion and can’t bear to subject your children to such drivel. Help out this poor stupid yank, ’cause I don’t get it.
~c and other non-UKs who are confused
the children and young people in the UK tend to do their teaching in a different setting to the, for wont of a better word, adults. It is still church, there is still the teaching and, hopefully, the learning, that God loves all people in all circumstances.
I love my children and family/all-age services have never worked for them, they are only just about getting to the age where one will work (in fact not really for my son, but my daughter is 6 now)
at our church we have a service once a month which is specifically designed for under 8s and it’s fab, I don’t worry about my active young children, or the older people being irritated because the aim is absolutely clear – it’s primary function is for the under 8s.
I know that no-one should be irritated by noisy children, I know that children are ‘delightful’, but it is the sad fact that a big enough proportion of people are irritated enough to make it difficult for parents of young children.
I agree with a lot of what Pax says, but I am a mother who loves her children very much and it isn’t a ‘cynical’ rant to say that all-age services do not work for them.
ahem, rant over.
Jody
I have little to add excpet that my wife made a very interesting comparison between 20-20 cricket and family services…yes I know stay with me.
At cricket matches ceratainly 4 day and also limited over matches to a large extent people know how to behave…don’t move except between overs…applaud the opposition etc. At 20-20 they have let the riff-raff in they don’t know the code and the connoisseur gets miffed…see it is like a family service…but if cricket is to survive it has to have 20-20…and the church?…not just family friendly..Goth friendly, Alternative friendly etc.?
PS please don’t let this tuen into a debate on 20-20 cricket
[...] Family services 26 Chris Clark, jody, ~c., Stuart, Mark Bennet, Graham Doel [...] [...]
I’m currently working on a suggestion that was offered to me some time ago – all the children come into church for worship and all the ‘adults’ go into the hall for a teaching session. I like the idea but worship in two churches with no halls (or loos). At the end of the day children should see church as their home too, and once baptised they are full members of our community and should have the opportunity to participate fully
I actually love trying to grow all worship into family worship, it is very hard work as Tractor Girl says, cam be terribly frustrating and yet it can provoke wonderful reactions from the most unlikely people.
But I struggle with the crib service when all the children are supposed to turn up dressed as characters from the nativity story. It is just about OK weaving 24 shepherds, 8 Marys and 17 kings into the narrative. But fitting 4 fairies, a Father Christmas, a couple of Supermen and Darth Vadar in is much more tricky.
The best place for all age worhsip is in the home, in Christian families, I don’t think we do enough to help people get to grips with this. If children are used to praying and worshipping with their parents in day to day life, it’s so much easier for them to engage with stuff in church.
There’s a very good, succinct, checklist over at Barnabas in Churches: http://www.barnabasinchurches.org.uk/pages/data.asp?layout=page.htm&Type=&Id=969 (sorry, not sure how to make this a hyperlink), well worth a look.
I once had a very deep and good discussion with Sam Wells, who was supervising a piece of work I was doing on liturgy about the liturgical life of a home.
Not only the ‘best’ place, perhaps, but the first place and the most significant place and the place where most such happens.
[In a similar way some teachers lead more acts of public worship, with more people, than many clergy]
what makes services that we may loosely call family services work? I think it’s something to do with actually believing in and acting on the theology of the body of Christ – that we all need every single one of us of whatever age, and everyone of us has a valuable contribution to make to everyone else. And God wants us all and loves us all as we are, not as we shall grow up into. That a family service welcomes anyone who is part of the Christian family and values the contribution they bring – from sitting quietly and praying for the noisiest 2yr old and his (sic?) parents to the baby who smiles at everyone so that anyone who sees him/her feels happy.
So if talks/addresses/sermons use questions – the minister/leader who asks the questons really wants to hear the responses, because they and everyone there wants to be surprised by the response – and where people of any age will join in because the converation is real.
where the music and words of hymns/songs are good and speak of God, not trite stuff that rhymes badly – plenty of that in A&M etc as well as MP
where there is space for silence and space for tambourines
OK – that’s the nearly serious stuff.
What is essential –
family members of all ages
fixed pews to control the movement of toddlers
biscuits (and if chocolate then lots of baby wipes)
good quality sound system
an inability to be shocked by nappy changing in unexpected places (not being shocked by breast-feeding goes inthe serious bit)
baby buggy park
lots of paper for creative use during any bit that doesn’t appeal to anyone
word searches for adults who feel left out if they are only given to children
paracetemol in the vestry
BCPs marked at the page which shows you how to find the golden number (did anyoneever understand that?)
loos!!
Our church has services that are always for all ages. Children welcome all the time. Children are always a part of the service in one way shape or form. There is always a short children’s talk – which is always meaningful for the adults as well. It is wonderful to be in a church where all are welcome.
Over the years, I’ve found the words “Family Service” on a church noticeboard very helpful. However, it conveys little to me about the presence of children or the style of worship.
It does say to me, loud and clear, “Poufs Not Welcome In this Place”. And sometimes, that is useful to know.
At our church in western Canada we have the Eucharist every Sunday. The children join us for the first part of the service until the end of the readings, at which point they have a children’s talk and then go down to the basement for Sunday School for about twenty-five minutes. They rejoin us at the offertory and participate fully in the Eucharist.
I’ve been the rector of this parish for eight years and am currently preparing for confirmation a group of excellent teenagers who are ‘graduates’ of my children’s talks. It seems to have stuck…
Mind you, being a regular visitor to the UK (I’m an expatriate Brit) I know we have lots of advantages here – a good basement with Sunday School space, toilets downstairs too, and a good congregation who have been educated for years about the central place of kids in the family of God. I understand why a lot of British churches offer Family Services. The monthly FS at my Mum and Dad’s church in the UK is the biggest service of the month. My Mum and Dad, who are in their 70′s, both love it.
Family services – always a can of worms. Our kids have always been good at sitting quietly but still my heart sinks at the thought of a family service because it means no Sunday school for them and an extra long service. I think the idea is to combine a normal length adult sermon with extra kids talk and drama stuff. Daft!
Best all-age activity I’ve seen was making pipe cleaner men with paper flames inside them. That was visiting another church on Pentecost.
To me the best part of the family service is that that week I pilot the lap top to change the words of the songs so I have a good excuse not to do the action songs.
I’m just preparing our church’s first family service since I arrived and now I’ve read all these comments I think I’ll announce the first hymn and then spend 45 minutes hiding in a cupboard.
Maybe the congregation could then split into small groups for the remaining 15 minutes to discuss the significance of this prophetic act.
I think that whoever’s leading the service can make an enormous difference to the level of comfort felt by all – and with that the ability to engage and worship. Normally when I feel embarassed in a ‘family service’ (I prefer ‘all-age’ or ‘intergenerational’) it’s because the person at the front looks embarassed by it.
A vicar friend of mine tells of a service where he was ‘preaching’ at the front when a small child started tugging on his trousers. He asked the child what they wanted and it proceeded to take a half-chewed biscuit out of it’s mouth and put it into his hand like a kind of gift. My friend thanked the child, put the biscuit in his pocket and carried on with the talk, while the child played aroud his feet!
All-age services need to cater for all ages, and we always assume that the hardest part of that is keeping the children happy. Personally, I find that they very rarely complain about the service (if they cry, it’s because they’re hungry). It’s the ‘grown-ups’ that are difficult!
Never enter into this Worship unprepared, winging it or doing it “because it has to be done”.
It is the hardest Act of Worship to conceive, plan out and pray through for it demands real attention to the needs of all who you are hoping to enccounter and thus encourage.
Leaders should recognise if this is their Gift or not and if not, delegate accordingly.
Simplicity, fun and Bible Teaching will allow people to participate, enjoy and be fed.
Check with the families before planning. We had the strange situation where the families stayed away from the family service because they didn’t like what had been planned for them and preferred the ‘ordinary’ service instead.
Planning family planning for a family service might prove controversial in some quarters …
An organist I know describes it as a ‘family circus’. Experience has proved that on many occassions, he’s not wrong.
That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it though.
I’ve always thought the hardest thing to get right in a family service, is to neither patronise the children or the adults there.
As for the essential components, I reckon there’s scope for a Ladybird-style book where you can tick off things such as:
- old people struggling to keep up with the words to the token ridiculously fast song;
- minister / speaker struggling to motivate children to assist with / pay any attention to the talk;
- minister / speaker using sweets to motibate children to assist with / pay any attention to the talk;
- child aged about 6 saying “muuuuuuuuum, I’m booooooored” in the middle of a reflective moment;
- mum of bored child going “shhhhhh!” while looking furtively around to see who tutted;
- children doing actions to songs;
- teenagers and students doing actions to songs, but in an ironic manner;
- parents doing actions to songs through gritted teeth;
- two siblings getting increasingly competitive in their actions, eventually spilling over into one of them standing on the other one’s foot, followed by general shoving until a nearby adult breaks them up;
- communion, with smarties for the children instead of bread;
- teenagers lurking near the leftover smarties at the end of the service;
- songs whose lyrics feature the phrases “la la la”, “shooby dooby”, “bom tiddly bom tiddly bom” or animal noises;
- question directed at children to which the answer is clearly “Jesus”; and
- a room full of people who are all thinking they could do this much better, if only someone asked them.
By the way, CPAS have some great thoughts on this:
http://www.cpas.org.uk/all_age/content/all%20age_382.php?e=287
I share some of the confusion of the Americans about why so many British churches seem to think that children are completely incapable of appreciating or behaving themselves during any service which doesn’t involve sweets, action songs and visual aids. My synagogue does not have ‘family services’. Children are perfectly welcome at all services no one feels the need to dumb the service down to them. We have children’s services for part of the two big high holy days. A few times a year there is a Sunday school service which is identical to the usual service except the Sunday school childen and young people lead the whole thing, perform all of the ritual tasks and give the sermon.
Last weekend, as I was visiting my fiance, I couldn’t help but wonder why the children in the church service seemed incapable of not running around and being disruptive in a 40 minute service that was designed for them, when the day before I’d seen children quite happily sitting through a three hour service in Hebrew.
(As a side note to Kelvin Holdsworth, lots of poufs have families nowadays.)
Haven’t been to a decent one for a while. It seems the most difficult service of all to do particularly when the profile of the congregation in a country church is a smattering of under fives, fewer 6 – 10s, a few mums and dads – with the remaining half being over sixty. It seems to be something you have to be prepared to invest time and effort in. Perhaps as our colleague in Canada says – you have to have teenagers who have graduated from the junior ranks.
Having said that when it works it works well. If the congregation is big enough and the vicar up for it then there is no reason why the youngsters should not join a “break out group”. Still better to have the adults go off to paint an ark or whatever and leave the kids to hear the sermon!
How about letting the parents and the vicar out of the service once in a while to celebrate a special time together (might include bread & wine, might not) in the childrens’ meeting place, with the help and particpation of the children? Much better dynamic because of whose territory it is and innovation possibilities due to architectural constraints and expectations. Planning a service to manage without some key individuals is good for a church and shows the children they are valued on their own terms and in their own place.
Children are not the church of the future. We should not want children and young people in church just so that in the future there continues to be money on the plate to care for our pretty building, and to wheel us old people up to the altar rails.
We need to work out why we want children and young people in our services.
IMO a service is for everyone there – and anyone who comes should find a welcome. Hence every service is a family service. Every service is all-age.
We do this so so SO badly!
The alternative is we kidyfy the liturgy and provide nothing for young people to grow into.
I write more about this at “children at the eucharist” at
http://www.liturgy.co.nz/celebratingeucharist/book.html
[...] Check out the comments sections for a variety of thoughts about family services HERE. [...]
