As I have said before (hence the continued’) I love the idea of getting a folding bike. The picture above is me test riding a ‘Brompton’, the ultimate in folding bikes, at the Cycle Show. Bromptons cost about £600 once you have bought all the trimmings. As you can see I am blurred owing to my great velocity. The lady on the right is guiding the traffic as the test track is a figure of 8 - in other words it crosses over itself on a diagonal basis. This is to give an element of danger which adds realism to the test ride. The other lady on the right is the assistant to the lady guiding the traffic. I’m not sure what her job is, but it involves standing there. The figure on the left is a cardboard cutout for safety reasons as it would be too dangerous to have a real person there with all these test-cyclists whizzing around. This also adds a sense of realism for those who will find themselves regularly riding in areas populated largely by cardboard cutouts.

When I was in the supermarket yesterday I noticed that someone was advertising a folding bicycle for only £25 in the postcards. £25! Buoyed with enthusiasm I called up and made my enquiries. Unfortunately the man did not have the answers to my in-depth questions, like ‘What make is it?’, so I decided I had better go and see it.

I went on my folding bicycle inspection excursion this morning. Upon seeing the bicycle I instantly knew that it was not what I was looking for as it was a bit rubbish, so told him that I would not be buying it. I came up with a convincing reason involving the handlebars. He said that that was fine, not a problem at all. At which point in a moment of madness I said: ‘Oh, alright then, I’ll buy it.’

I am an idiot sometimes.

Unfortunately the bicycle really is rubbish. It is unique amongst folding bicycles in that it folds into a shape bigger and less convenient than the shape it started from. One popular folding bicycle website says this about it:

The Skoda of folding bikes - the Universal is still the cheapest folder available, but the Chinese are challenging. Made in Poland, the bike looks like a 1960s-vintage ’shopper’, which is exactly what it is. It’s heavy, it doesn’t fold very well or clip together, and the ride and handling are poor. Yawn, yawn. Long, long overdue for a replacement

Does anyone want to buy a folding bicycle?

To you - £25.

Posted by Dave at 11:31 pm on October 31, 2007 and filed under Essex Life, Cycling, Photographs.

7 Comments

The Churches and the Railways in Norfolk and Suffolk are teaming up to promote the Churches and the Railways in Norfolk and Suffolk. The ChurchRail Trail has been endorsed by Vicars and enables travellers to get special stamps when they visit churches:

As well as enjoying a unique day out, visitors can win prizes by accumulating stamps each time they visit a church on the trail

ie what I just said.

I am all for going on the train as we urgently need to get all of the cars off the roads by various means. I am also a supporter of churches, but most especially I am a supporter of special stamps. I for one would have more incentive to get up in the mornings if I knew that my comings and goings would be rewarded with special stamps.

I do not know who will be awarding the stamps. Will it be the responsibility of the churchwardens to stamp people, or will the Vicars be standing by with special hole punches to clip people’s tickets? If you are a Norfolk or Suffolk churchgoer and can enlighten us then please do. If you are from anywhere else and can comment from a position of ignorance then you would be just as welcome.

I think that collaboration between the railways and churches is a good thing. If I had my way special trains would be laid on to transport people to church - the time of the return journey being flexible depending upon the length of the sermon and whether there was a good vibe at coffee time. There are good reasons why I do not have my way.

Sorry that there has been a lack of drawings. My drawing morale has been low as it tends to be on about one week in every two. Also people have been writing in because Paypal is once again adding postage when it shouldn’t. To cap it all I am being tormented ceaselessly by the Camera and Scanner wizard.

By the way The Religious Intelligence (silly name) website originally reported on this. As a further aside, I always like the One Railway site as it greets you with ‘Welcome to One’, which is all posh, like. I like that. The announcers say that on the trains too. ‘One hopes you enjoyed your journey’ etc etc etc

Posted by Dave at 7:28 pm on October 30, 2007 and filed under Church, In-depth analysis, Transport, Religion.

11 Comments

May I draw your attention to two comments that have been left on my site today:

Pax Vobiscum:

So, SPCK’s AGM came and went with nary a murmur. The usual suspects in the Governing Body got away without censure on their appalling decision to hand over £6million worth of assets to be systematically stripped by the brothers Brewer. Several shops have declared UDI, including the brightest and best star in the firmament. SPCK has agreed not to continue with the license for the name and those shops where SSG does not hold the freehold stand a good chance of fading into distant memory. Meanwhile, those shops where SSG does hold the freehold could be in for a very interesting time indeed. It is enough to make you weep into your incense-infused orthodox coffee, served in a an agate cup hand-carved by nuns in Texas.

Let us hope that the shops that go independent can build a good, workable model to keep resourcing their communities - we must support them where we can. Meanwhile, prayers and cheery words for all the staff who are left.

Thomas:

Come Wednesday, when the current license expires, they will no longer be able to use the SPCK name on their shops. What name they do trade under remains to be seen - I withhold offering suitable suggestions!! The Brewers have managed to systematically strip the leading Christian bookshops of their reputation, their standing, the respect they held amongst clergy, laity and the wider Christian publishing and retail trade, as well as completely destroying the morale of, or losing altogether, the highly experienced and dedicated staff who have built up the reputation SPCK has enjoyed over the years. However, the blame cannot be placed entirely on the shoulders of the Brewers. Those within SPCK who took the original decision to hand over their assets to a group of unknowns are also to blame.

Mark Brewer did not get his wish to be elected to SPCK at their AGM, infact I am told the motion was not even put. Furthermore, I am told Simon Kingston and Michael Perham, Bishop of Gloucester, have both withdrawn from acting as trustees to SSG. Such was the Bishop of Gloucester’s assurance 12 months ago that he would serve as a trustee to ensure SSG maintained the reputation of the bookshops. Did not Pilate wash his hands?

A meeting the week before last between 4 of the staff, Mark Brewer and ACAS resulted in, you will not be surprised to hear, nothing constructive. The following Monday, the shops represented by those 4 members of staff had their e-mail disconnected. Suppliers have been told under no circumstances are they to send stock to certain named shops (not that they would do until outstanding bills were paid) two of which are in the process of, or have, negotiated a buyout. Presumably the fate of the remaining shops will be revealed within a matter of weeks, if not days.

Please note that I have no means of verifying the accuracy of every detail of these comments, but I am drawing attention to them as they are both by people who know a great deal more than I do.

Posted by Dave at 12:03 am on October 30, 2007 and filed under Save the SPCK, Religion.

9 Comments

We went on a splendid ‘roof tour’ at Lincoln Cathedral, which, incidentally, is the answer to yesterday’s little conundrum. This sign, which reads ‘DANGER - DO NOT TOUCH THE ROPES - BELLS UPSET’ is meant to indicate:

1. That the bells are in their upper ‘upset’ position, which means that if you pull on the ropes they will come swinging down into their lower ‘non-upset’ position.
2. That the Dean and Chapter of the Cathedral will not be pleased if they hear any unauthorised donging, and will come running from their offices in an upset state.
3. That the people of Lincoln will be somewhat upset if they hear an unscheduled bell ringing, as it would probably mean that some great calamity was about to befall the city.
4. That any member of the tour party touching the rope would be fairly upset about being unexpectedly flung into the upper reaches of the bell tower, which would be the likely outcome of such a foolish action.

The photo is blurred because I did not want to use the flash in case a startled member of the party suddenly grabbed a bell rope in the ensuing confusion, thereby leading to even further upset.

Posted by Dave at 11:05 am on October 27, 2007 and filed under Utter nonsense, Photographs.

13 Comments

This is a holiday snap from our recent trip to here and there. As you can see it is taken from a great height in some sort of an ecclesiastical building where sitting on the right is more popular than sitting on the left. Either that or the person who is employed to put the chairs out on the right was working a bit of overtime.

A small commotion is taking place at the front, whilst at the back a seated man talks to his neighbour, who happens to be standing on a chair. And why not.

I will not tell you the location of these peculiar goings-on immediately so that people whose speciality subject is ‘views of ecclesiastical buildings taken from a great height’ can have their moment of glory in the comments section. There will not be a prize in any real sense.

So, what has been going on since I’ve been away? Tell me something about your life or the world in general to improve my post-vacation morale.

Posted by Dave at 6:19 pm on October 26, 2007 and filed under Mundane, Photographs, Religion.

18 Comments

This 2 minute diagram is meant to represent a person, possibly me, stepping away from his keyboard and drawings. I am taking a break for a number of days and don’t expect to be back on this weblog until next Thursday. In the meantime comments may not be moderated, so any comments made may not appear for some time unless the system decides to favour you for reasons of its own choosing.

The last few weeks have been rather interesting ones for me workwise. It is an exciting time, but unfortunately I can’t explain why at the moment. There is a lot to be pondered, and so I find myself doing a lot of pacing up, forth, back and down. This is why I need a break and some new shoes.

See you soon.

Posted by Dave at 2:43 pm on October 19, 2007 and filed under Cartoons, CartoonChurch progress.

5 Comments

Last week I found myself with nothing to do for an hour whilst in a parish caravan. A clergy friend I was visiting had to lead a group, and so I sat at one end of the parish caravan whilst the group he was leading took place at the other end. Having nothing with me to read I spent an hour reading the Book of Common Prayer, as that was more or less all that was available. It was actually an hour well spent, as I don’t spend an hour reading the Book of Common Prayer (We’ll call it the BCP) very often.

One of the things I pondered during my hour reading the BCP was the ‘Catechism’. The Catechism is a series of basic beliefs that people had to learn before they were confirmed. There are various Catechisms as far as I understand things, but the one from the BCP is on this page on this jolly good site about the BCP.

The instructions given for use of the Catechism are thus:

The Curate of every Parish shall diligently upon Sundays and Holy-days, after the second Lesson at Evening Prayer, openly in the Church instruct and examine so many Children of his Parish sent unto him, as he shall think convenient, in some Part of this Catechism.

And all Fathers, Mothers, Masters, and Dames, shall cause their Children, Servants, and Prentices (which have not learned their Catechism,) to come to the Church at the time appointed, and obediently to hear, and be ordered by the Curate, until such time as they have learned all that is here appointed for them to learn.

So soon as children are come to a competent age, and can say, in their Mother Tongue, the Creed, the Lord’s Prayer, and the Ten Commandments; and also can answer to the other questions of this short Catechism; they shall be brought to the Bishop. And every one shall have a Godfather, or a Godmother, as a witness of their Confirmation.

And whensoever the Bishop shall give knowledge for Children to be brought unto him for their Confirmation, the Curate of every Parish shall either bring, or send in writing, with his hand subscribed thereunto, the names of all such persons within his Parish, as he shall think fit to be presented to the Bishop to be confirmed. And, if the Bishop approve of them, he shall confirm them in manner following.

What a good idea. Why don’t we do this sort of thing these days? Perhaps we do, I don’t know.

It does sound a bit tricky though. I probably wouldn’t be confirmed yet if such standards were insisted upon these days as my memory is flaky. I’d still be diligently going along upon Sundays and Holy-days after the second Lesson at Evening Prayer for instruction by the Curate.

Perhaps a more practical test would be better for those whose memories are not sound. Those who opted for the hands-on test would, on the day of the confirmation, have to demonstrate before the Bishop and the congregation that they could perform an ecclesiastical task. Updating a page on the church website, carrying a candle with due reverence or removing the cling film from a selection of ‘bring and share lunch’ items should do it. The congregation would ‘mark’ each task by cheering or booing. Successful candidates would be confirmed there and then, whilst the failures would have to go away and learn to do something else.

Of course some people are not good at exams, be they academic or practical. Perhaps those individuals should be made to complete some coursework over a period of time. Develop a portfolio demonstrating a range of core competencies.

To be honest I’m just making it up now and talking rubbish.

If you have any better ideas feel free to post them in writing, with your hand subscribed thereunto, in the comments.

Posted by Dave at 11:39 pm on October 17, 2007 and filed under Church, In-depth analysis, Utter nonsense, Religion.

10 Comments

I’m going along to Holy Joes in London on Tuesday the 6th of November 2007 to talk and show pictures. I’m writing this here mainly as an advance reminder to self that I have to think of something to say.

Holy Joes is a discussion group sort of thing that meets in the downstairs bit of St Mary Le Bow on Cheapside at 8pm. It was the group founded by Dave Tomlinson among others. He was the man who wrote ‘the Post Evangelical’.

The programme says about my visit: “Dave joins us to show us some of his work and discuss comedy in church … trust us … he finds it in the most unlikely places“. I’m not sure whether that is saying that I find church in the most unlikely of places, comedy in the most unlikely of places, or my work in the most unlikely of places. I certainly do find my work in the most unlikely of places - that is what happens when your filing system is a bit haphazard.

Anyway, I am looking forward to the evening in question. I’ll see one or two of you there perhaps.

Posted by Dave at 3:58 pm on October 16, 2007 and filed under Cartooning, Religion, Talks.

4 Comments

SPCK boss Phil Brewer is running the Exeter SPCK shop himself, according to this report in the Exeter Express and Echo website. This is, if you remember, all to do with the fact that the staff all walked out as they were being made to sign contracts that some staff members have described as ‘unsignable’. See the ‘’Save the SPCK‘ category on this blog for the whole story over the last year or two.

I know that one or two journalists have been finding it difficult to contact Mr Brewer, the boss of SPCK. Well, here is your chance. Phone up the Exeter shop with an enquiry about the latest brands of incense and it looks as if you might get to speak to the man himself. Actually, you would do well to vary your initial enquiry subjects a bit. Some of you could ask about palm crosses or bulk orders of ‘Two ways to live’.

Update: Ruth Gledhill has posted. See also a very interesting comment from (I assume) an insiders perspective by ‘Pax Vobiscum’ on her previous post.

Posted by Dave at 1:04 pm on October 16, 2007 and filed under Save the SPCK, Religion.

30 Comments

As I’m sure many of you are aware there is now a television channel called ‘Dave’. UKTV have renamed one of their channels in this way. If you have Freeview in the UK, you can find it on channel 19, which is actually channel 12. Don’t ask me to explain.

This of course comes after the news last year that there was to be a magazine called Dave. I sometimes see it in Basildon library.

This new channel will now give people the opportunity to say ‘oh so witty’ things like:

• ‘Let’s watch Dave for a bit.’
• ‘I wonder what is on Dave this evening.’
• ‘Did you see Dave last night? I’ve never laughed so much!’

…and so on and so forth.

I am concerned that our society is becoming more and more Davist. The name Dave is being treated as a figure of fun. Davism is rife.

I don’t know what can be done about it really, but I can at the very least post some links to a few of my fellow Daves as we weather this storm together.

Right, off to put Dave on.

Posted by Dave at 7:29 pm on October 15, 2007 and filed under Current events, TV.

20 Comments

The first magazine for Christian men is due to be launched shortly. Inspire magazine has the scoop:

While it will centre on the Christian response to many difficult problems Sorted will also include a gadgets’ page, movie previews, motoring coverage, a “Sex Doc” and “60-Second Vicar.”

Said Steve: “There’s a perception that Christian men have too much heaven on their minds to be bothered with such stuff – not true – and we will look at all areas of interest to them.

[Unrelated info: We’re off the the Cycle Show at Earl’s Court today.]

Update: The Telegraph has ‘Lad’s mags? I must get myself sorted‘.

Posted by Dave at 9:01 am on October 14, 2007 and filed under Church, Religion.

4 Comments

The Church of England Evangelical Council are trying to spoil the Lambeth Conference for everybody by asking bishops not to attend. To quote their home page:

We support those Bishops who have said that under the present arrangements they cannot attend the Lambeth Conference. We invite those English dioceses who are twinned with dioceses and provinces overseas to consult with their companion dioceses about whether to attend the Lambeth Conference. We prayerfully counsel Church of England bishops to consider whether in the light of TEC′s response they may wish to absent themselves.

The Church of England Evangelical Council (we’ll call them the CEEC) are, if you remember the people who made that so called ‘covenant‘ between themselves last year. It was widely discredited as being a bit silly, misunderstanding as it did the nature of a ‘covenant’.

The CEEC claim to represent a range of organisations: CMS, Scripture Union, New Wine, the Evangelical Alliance to name but a few. Once again I suspect that not all members of these organizations would support this ‘boycott Lambeth’ stance. I hope that such members will make their feelings known.

I may have more to say about this later or tomorrow or another day, but in the meantime I’d like to continue to refer everyone to Bishop Alan’s article, which blows all of these ‘Let’s not go to Lambeth’ arguments away.

[Feel free to repost this cartoon with a link]

Update: On a not-really-related-at-all -but-I-wanted-to-link-to-it note: Rhys goes to a Rowan Williams gig in Swansea.

Posted by Dave at 6:58 pm on October 13, 2007 and filed under Cartoons, Anglican goings-on, Religion.

1 Comment