Skip to main content.
« Previous entry: Segregating the sinful sexes | Main page | Next entry: Basildon Church »

September 17th, 2007

Excuses for inactivity

Friday
I was suffering from mild failure.

Saturday
We went to see some people in a mobile home near Harwich. (A mobile home is, for the uninitiated, a small home that cannot be moved.) The sun shone and there was singing and plenty of tasty chicken.

Sunday
I continued to suffer from mild failure.

Monday
Internet problems. British Telecom broadband would not connect me. I had this message:

internet connection

Basically, when you see that message you know you are doomed, but with the possibility of not being doomed.

I have always had problems with my connections. These days the only way to make my computer connect is to open the e-mail programme, close the e-mail programme, open the e-mail programme, close the e-mail programme and then open the e-mail programme a third time. It will usually always connect on the third go. I think it likes to know that you are serious about collecting e-mails and not just larking around. Likewise if you leave the computer unattended for an hour it goes into a state where it will connect to about a quarter of the internet but not the other three quarters. The connection obviously works, but it becomes suddenly very picky. Restarting the computer is the only option.

But then, as we all know, the default setting for a computer is to sort of work, but not quite properly. This morning I became so irate about the non-functioning of the computer that I clicked my SeaFrance retractable biro in and out repeatedly until it broke. What a waste. That had been the shopping list pen for weeks.

Today it is my aim to achieve mild success.

15 Comments »



This is a single Cartoon Blog entry, posted by Dave on Monday, September 17th, 2007 at 12:40 pm.

If you enjoyed this post you might also enjoy these (possibly) related articles:

Know someone else who might enjoy this post? Click here to send this to a friend. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

The technologically advanced may like to trackback from another site, follow responses to this post via the RSS 2.0 feed, or bookmark this post on del.icio.us or digg.

15 Responses to “Excuses for inactivity”


  1. James says:

    Sorry to hear about your continuing failure, Dave. I wish you well in your attempts at mild success today.

    That message looks like the kind of thing that might mean you’d be able to see your own wireless router and other wireless equipped computers in your house, whilst simultaneously being entirely unable to connect to the rest of world.

    September 17th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
  2. Dave says:

    Thanks James.

    Yes, I suspect you are right about the message. It would be nice if the computer told you if that is the case. Anyway, not to worry, it all seems to be working now.

    September 17th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
  3. Phill says:

    Where would we be without computers, eh?

    If John Cleese had to re-make “How to Irritate People“, computers would no doubt come top of the list. They just do such a great job – they pretend to help you, but then mysteriously fail and somehow always manage to claim “it’s not my fault”.

    September 17th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
  4. joe says:

    Sounds like the story of my life. Well, apart from the pen. When the computers go wrong I tend to shout at the daughter. Be glad – you can replace a pen.

    September 17th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
  5. Jason says:

    ah, I can at least end your computing misery. do what i did after years of putting up with pc problems as ‘normal’ and switch to a Mac! It’s what all you creative sorts use anyway. It doesn’t crash and there are no viruses that exist. yes you pay more when you buy it but then you get what you pay for.

    …you may hesitate, but you will never look back….

    September 17th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
  6. Stella says:

    Sounds like your having a tough time….don’t quit!

    September 17th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
  7. Jeremy says:

    My four step plan to achieve mild success:

    1. Visualise the worst possible outcome for your task
    2. Perform the task to the best of your ability
    3. Note the difference between (1) and (2)
    4. Bask in the glory (c.f. old newspaper headline: Britain Sizzles in the Seventies)

    It takes practice to see the worst possibilities, but a shortcut is thankfully available. As a self-confessed rotaholic, you can surely sign up for your church’s Health & Safety Committee (not got one? raise that as an issue at the PCC). You will be sent on a course that will make you alive to the danger, for instance, of an incorrectly located No Smoking sign distracting people from their walk from door to pew, leading to anything from a mild stumble to a domino effect resulting in the demolition of said pews without the necessary faculty.

    Apply these principles in general life in the theoretical way I suggest and you are en route to pleasurable sensations of mild success. (Apply them more practically to daily life and you are likely to find yourself shunned, leading to painful sensations of mild failure.)

    Good luck. And keep us posted.

    September 17th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
  8. Buzz says:

    Dave

    Although it will sound like schadenfreude (sp?), this is the funniest post I have read in my feeds today. I hope your week gets better from here on in.

    Buzz – occasionally challenged in a similar fashion by Telecom NZ

    September 18th, 2007 at 8:32 am
  9. chris clark says:

    I don’t know how far your router is from the PC but if at all possible connect with a wire. Wireless is not the panacea that everybody thinks. It is very variable, potentially a security weakness and bottleneck…long live the cable…

    When you have eliminated the wireless then you can shout at BT with more confidence and stop them saying it’s not their fault.

    Great post Dave…we feel your pain but are somewhat relieved that our days are marginally better than yours….

    September 18th, 2007 at 10:56 am
  10. Dave says:

    Chris – I thought the same, but connecting with a wire made no difference at the time. Unfortunately connecting with a wire isn’t going to happen here unless we have a lot of wires running around the house. It may well have been my computer, it may well have been BT. We may never know. Anyway, all is OK now.

    September 18th, 2007 at 11:33 am
  11. Dominic says:

    Sorry to hear about your mild failure. I have an equally / even more bizzare way to connect to the internet (you decide):

    I have to run a program to launch Wireless Zero Configure something-or-other (set up by computer programmer brother who is a geek but possibly not a nerd).

    That then tells my PC that there is this very interesting thing called the internet ‘out there in space somewhere’. I then have to tell the computer to look for my wireless router and when they have made friends with each other (possibly over a light lunch or white wine spritzer) I then have to tell the computer that it would be rather good if they continued to talk to each other whilst I got my emails and or surfed the internet for a bit….rather than do some real work.

    My PC is very stupid because after having a little sleep each night, when it wakes up again, it has totally forgotten about its new best friend, the internet

    and so the tedious process starts again…

    September 18th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
  12. Chris says:

    You might have a problem with your IP / DNS addresses. If you are on Windows, go to Control Panel, then Network Connections. Right click on your network, and select Properties. There should be a few things in a box, one of which is marked something like ‘Internet Protocol (TCP/IP). Click on this and select ‘Properties’. This brings up a window – take a note of any numbers written in it, then choose the options to obtain IP and DNS addresses automatically.

    Might not work, but perhaps worth a try.

    September 18th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
  13. Clare says:

    Ooh, I thought I was the only one with picky computer syndrome. When I attempt wireless at home I can only see some websites and not others – annoyingly Google is one of the ones it doesn’t like.

    Weirdly the only time I’ve had perfect wireless success was in a hotel lobby in India!

    September 18th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
  14. Chris Spracklen says:

    Hi, I agree with Jason. I’ve been trying to convert all my friends to Macs and those have switched have not looked back. (If they did, they would probably turn into pillars of salt’. ;o)

    Seriously, though, I can’t remember the last time my Mac really crashed or froze. I recommend you watch the series of Mac ads at: http://www.apple.com/getamac/ads/ ~ they’ll both make you smile and give you a dozen reasons for getting one of the powerful, magnificent and stunningly beautiful new Macs!

    September 19th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
  15. Dave says:

    Chris, in my experience Windows no longer crashes or freezes as long as you run it with enough memory, which is where I have discovered I’ve gone wrong in the past. The only programme that causes my computer problems these days is Firefox. I’d love to join you mac-owning classes, but it isn’t going to happen until this computer breaks down and realistically not even then.

    September 19th, 2007 at 7:26 pm