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September 4th, 2007

Addressing the Clergy

tube disruptionTomorrow I am off to do a live gig in Chichester at the Diocese of Portsmouth Clergy Conference. They have asked me to impart wisdom to them on matters of an ecclesiastical nature. My talk will consist mainly of drawings that will be projected and I will talk about various in-depth aspects of things. I will be staying there in plush surroundings so there will probably not be a blog entry here tomorrow.

Today I had a look for a pointer sort of a thing to use in my talk so that I can point at interesting aspects of the drawings in a scholarly way. I was after something like this telescopic pointer pen, but I phoned Staples and it is just something they put on their website rather than something they actually stock. The technical name for this is that it is ‘discontinued’. I am aware that these days one can get laser powered pointing devices, but I am from the old school and would prefer a physical stick sort of thing to point. I would probably be a danger to shipping with the laser sort (possibly literally) and could end up shining it inadvertently at an archdeacon who would be caught like a rabbit in one red and quite dangerous headlight.

I had a good look around the garage to see if I had any telescopic pointing devices lying around. In the old days I used to have lots of old stereos which would be very happy to have their aerials ripped off, but in these modern days of ‘throw it away if it is useless’ I am clean out of retractable whathaveyous.

I am sure that some readers have spare telescopic items lying around which I could perhaps borrow, but now it is too late as I am off on the 8.07am as I need to allow goodness knows how many hours to get past London (see diagram).

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17 Responses to “Addressing the Clergy”


  1. ash says:

    I was told this week that Staples the stores and Staples the website are actually two different companies. They are linked in some way, of course, and sell the same branded products. However, they are owned by different people, and thus have seperate ranges of items outside of their own product range.

    This is quite odd, and rather a scandle.

    September 4th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
  2. Chas says:

    I am sure that somewhere I have a telescopic pointer, but as you say, it is too late to be thinking of sending a telescopic pointer in your direction (even if I could find it, and knew where to send it). I hope that you managed to get through (or around) London.

    September 4th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
  3. Dave says:

    Ash – Goodness. Who would have thought it.

    Thanks Chas.

    Don’t worry too much about me and London by the way. The Jubilee line is a splendid line as it bypasses a whole area of London if you are coming from this direction. I can change from the C2C at West Ham and, if I can squeeze onto a Jubilee line train, zip around to London Bridge.

    September 4th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
  4. Peter Kirk says:

    Try the Jubilee line from West Ham to Waterloo. That depends of course how severe the delays on it actually are. If you happen to pass a car parts shop, you can get a retractable car radio aerial for a few pounds.

    September 4th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
  5. Peter Kirk says:

    You got in first with the Jubilee Line idea. But if it’s London Bridge you want, that’s no distance from Fenchurch Street.

    September 4th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
  6. sally says:

    How about using a snooker cue, or several drum sticks taped together as your pointer thing? Maybe crossing London by bike would be a good idea?

    September 4th, 2007 at 10:04 pm
  7. Hennell says:

    I’d suggest taping a number of pencils together. You could even tape then in a curved fashion for the use of pointing around corners…

    September 4th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
  8. James says:

    A ‘Bic’ biro works well for laying on the glass of an OHP (it’s shape stops it rolling off…)
    If you need to point at the screen itself (because the Clergy Conference is a posh one with video projectors), get a wire hangar and do something artistic with it (eg make it into a big arrow shape). Good luck with the travel though.

    September 4th, 2007 at 11:23 pm
  9. Kathryn says:

    Very impressed at Portsmouth diocese noticing that you’d be rather good at showing them Things-They-Ought-to-Know-In-An-Entertaining-But-It-
    Makes-You-Think-Sort-Of-Way. Hope it goes really well (journey and pointy thing included)

    September 5th, 2007 at 9:19 am
  10. Jeremy says:

    You could kill two birds with one stone – buy a nice* walking pole (one of the springy sort) and enjoy somewhere hygienic to lean on crowded platforms as well as a smart and sophisticated pointer.

    * Just a suggestion. A nasty one would do the job equally well.

    September 5th, 2007 at 11:29 am
  11. John Stuart says:

    Buy a spare telescopic car aerial from Halfords….it will be much cheaper…and you should get a better ‘reception’ for your presentation…heheheheh

    September 5th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
  12. Dave K says:

    I recommend an arrow. You might want to consider a bow too, then you could deal with people who aren’t listening.

    September 5th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
  13. Lesley G says:

    you could have borrowed a large crook from one of the Bishops to point at the board as you speak. :-)

    September 5th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
  14. rosamundi says:

    If going Westbound the Jubilee Line is too crowded, go one stop Eastbound to Stratford, where the line terminates, and stay on the train. Et voila. Seat on the next Westbound train out of Stratford.

    September 5th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
  15. Spike says:

    This must be the first time I’ve ever seen the words “Northern Line” and “Good Service” in the same place.

    September 6th, 2007 at 10:32 am
  16. Laura says:

    I was at the Conference and Dave gave his presentation WITHOUT a pointy thing – but since I wasn’t expecting him to have one, I was not disappointed. It was great to meet you, Dave, and I laughed a lot (not AT you, as such), and I know everyone there enjoyed your wisdom very much – in fact, you definitely know too much about the workings of the Anglican Church,- and now probably about Portsmouth Diocese too!

    September 6th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
  17. Miss Dagurreotype says:

    I’ve heard that even on the worse day that UK mass transit is better than what is in most of the US.

    I guess the grass is always greener across the pond.

    September 10th, 2007 at 1:28 am