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April 20th, 2007

Top job in the Anglican Communion up for grabs

I notice from today’s Church Times that the job of gatekeeper at Lambeth Palace is being advertised.

You will control access of personnel and vehicles entering and leaving Lambeth Palace’ playing a key role within the team responsible for the security and safety of the Palace. In addition, you will process telephone calls received outside office hours, as well as informing residents of the arrival of guests.

This is probably one of the most powerful jobs in the Anglican Communion as it would enable you to keep Bishops that you did not really like waiting for no reason as they are on their way in to meet the Archbishop, therefore ensuring that the Archbishop will not heed their requests gladly as his schedule has been disrupted. Also long distance phone calls from undesirable quarters could be ‘processed’ in such a way that the post it notes with the messages on could occasionally go missing etc.

Obviously this sort of thing is wrong and bad and the likes of you and I would not do it, but I am just pointing out the possibilities so that Lambeth Palace can take this into account when interviewing and ask probing questions about lost post-it notes and the like.

Questions for Study Groups

Read this Bible verse:

I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
(Psalm 84: 10)

1) What would be the advantages of the Lambeth Palace doorkeeper job over (say) a live-in vacancy in the tents of the wicked?
2) Are people with tents always wicked?
3) Is it right to sneak around the tents of the wicked during the night and remove a couple of tent pegs on your way to the lavatories?

Unrelated aside
This was my 1000th post. Full list.

10 Comments »



This is a single Cartoon Blog entry, posted by Dave on Friday, April 20th, 2007 at 1:52 pm.

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10 Responses to “Top job in the Anglican Communion up for grabs”


  1. Tiffer says:

    Back when Mrs Tiffer worked as a temp archivist in Lambeth Palace I was quite scared of the gatekeepers – so was she, she used to go in a side entrance. So you should probably be able to say “you aren’t supposed to be here are you” using only your eyes as a job requirement.

    April 20th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
  2. joe says:

    Ah now, number 3 in your bible study brings a whole new level of clarity to me, Dave.

    I always wondered what was happening in Judges 4:21 and now I know. No more messing about with tentpegs in that particular campsite after that I would think.

    April 20th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
  3. Mary says:

    Reminds me of the film Ghostbusters. So, if they are recruiting a gatekeeper, who is the key master?

    As for question 2, God had a tent, so I guess not!

    Psalm 15:1-5

    “O Lord, who may abide in your tent?
    Who may dwell on your holy hill?
    2Those who walk blamelessly, and do what is right,
    and speak the truth from their heart;
    3who do not slander with their tongue,
    and do no evil to their friends,
    nor take up a reproach against their neighbours;
    4in whose eyes the wicked are despised,
    but who honour those who fear the Lord;
    who stand by their oath even to their hurt;
    5who do not lend money at interest,
    and do not take a bribe against the innocent.
    Those who do these things shall never be moved.

    April 20th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
  4. ash says:

    Maybe this is the verse Word Alive read… I personally think Steve Chalke is wicked too. but I think the meaning of ‘wicked’ might have changed from when the bible verse in question was translated…

    April 20th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
  5. David says:

    Congratulations one thousand posts! May you give birth to many more in the coming years, assuming the Internet stays in vogue.

    April 20th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
  6. Philip of Samaria says:

    The wicked are always tense (Isaiah somewhere… could be 40)..

    April 20th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
  7. Mary says:

    LOL Philip!

    Of course, there are a lot worse things you can do with tent pegs:

    Judges 4:17-22
    Now Sisera had fled away on foot to the tent of Jael wife of Heber the Kenite; for there was peace between King Jabin of Hazor and the clan of Heber the Kenite. Jael came out to meet Sisera, and said to him, ‘Turn aside, my lord, turn aside to me; have no fear.’ So he turned aside to her into the tent, and she covered him with a rug. Then he said to her, ‘Please give me a little water to drink; for I am thirsty.’ So she opened a skin of milk and gave him a drink and covered him. He said to her, ‘Stand at the entrance of the tent, and if anybody comes and asks you, “Is anyone here?” say, “No.” ’ But Jael wife of Heber took a tent-peg, and took a hammer in her hand, and went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple, until it went down into the ground—he was lying fast asleep from weariness—and he died. Then, as Barak came in pursuit of Sisera, Jael went out to meet him, and said to him, ‘Come, and I will show you the man whom you are seeking.’ So he went into her tent; and there was Sisera lying dead, with the tent-peg in his temple.

    April 20th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
  8. Chris Clark says:

    I am a bit concerned about the number of blogs you have attracted Dave that as soon as you mention tent pegs go to Sisera. I think we need a group session so we can work out a few issues. I would like to volunteer to be on the door..

    April 21st, 2007 at 11:27 am
  9. Nefertiki says:

    First of all, a contemporary translation is needed, reading ‘condominiums of the wicked’ to make this passage comprehensible to urbanites who abhor camping.

    April 21st, 2007 at 3:51 pm
  10. rob says:

    Perhaps a good dynamic equivalence translation would contrast the chalets of Pwllhweli with the Skyline Pavilions of Skegness?

    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:33 pm