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July 14th, 2006

Vodaphone

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Message to Martin Jones, formerly of Essex
We have been getting your post for the last two years. If you happen to be a Cartoon Blog reader I would highly appreciate you taking steps to rectify this. I have to admit that we are a little bit grumpy about all the post we still get for you, but as a forgetful man myself who still has post going to about 15 former residences I am, on this occasion going to spare you the full force of my wrath. Another time tell people you’re moving, there’s a good fellow.

Message to the Vodaphone* telecommunications company
We have returned the envelopes with Martin Jones’ name on them every single month for the last two years. Your company is quite clearly entirely incompetent, having no mechanism for the removal of names and addresses from your database. This being the case it is becoming clear that we are going to have to dispose of these letters ourselves for the rest of our lives. The next letter you send will be returned with an invoice covering the cost of this monthly disposal. In addition I am going to recommend to my readers that they refrain from using their Vodaphone* telephones until you sort out this almighty shambles.

*Yes, I know, this is a misspelling. But I’m not going to get a high Google ranking for ‘Vodafone’, whereas with the misspelling I just might. In any case they jolly well ought to learn to spell. Vodafone indeed. Pah.

9 Comments »



This is a single Cartoon Blog entry, posted by Dave on Friday, July 14th, 2006 at 11:46 am.

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9 Responses to “Vodaphone”


  1. barrie says:

    When you send this stuff back to Vodaphone, do you “return to sender”? as I have a postman friend who assures me that such mail finds its way straight into the shredder at most sorting offices.

    July 14th, 2006 at 1:52 pm
  2. birdie says:

    I’ve got to say, it’s the ‘thank you kindly’ at the end which really made me laugh.

    July 14th, 2006 at 2:59 pm
  3. Sarah says:

    We used to live in a house made up of five flats. We got sick of the endless post so my husband set himself the thankless task of working out which post was a month old and then returning it all ‘not know at this address’. We did notice the flow of post reduce quite drastically over time.

    July 14th, 2006 at 3:00 pm
  4. Tired&Emotional says:

    Vodaphone, via EDS, manage our company’s mobile phones. For the past 3 years I’ve received 2 bills per month. One for my phone and one for someone elses. Each month an e-mail is sent back advises them of the incorrect billing. Each month 2 bills arrive.

    I just think that they’re incompetent twits. Anyone from Vodaphone reading this are quite welcome to try to sue me for defermation of character if they like. I could do with a few million quid to spend.

    July 14th, 2006 at 3:08 pm
  5. James says:

    Dave, Just in case you want to send the vodafone/vidaphone letters to someone called Mr Martin Jones, below are listed the 16 Mr Martin Jones-s listed on the electoral roll as living in Essex. One of them might be the right one?!

    Mr,Jones,Martin N,48,Thames Drive, Leigh-On-Sea, Essex SS9 2XD
    Mr,Jones,Martin R,12, Hedge Lane, Benfleet, Essex SS7 2SQ,,
    Mr,Jones,Martin D,47, East Park Avenue, Harlow, Essex CM170SE,,
    Mr,Jones,Martin A,80, Barley Lane, Ilford, Essex IG3 8XN
    Mr,Jones,Martin J,48, Cherwell Grove, South Ockendon, Essex RM156AX,,
    Mr,Jones,Martin R,73, Southsea Avenue, Leigh-On-Sea, Essex SS9 2BH,,
    Mr,Jones,Martin,46, Wellington Road, North Weald,Epping, Essex CM166JY
    Mr,Jones,Martin A,16, Hearsall Avenue, Stanford-Le-Hope, Essex SS177EH
    Mr,Jones,Martin J,59, Langford Crescent, Benfleet, Essex SS7 3JP
    Mr,Jones,Martin G,58, South Road, Saffron Walden, Essex CB113DN,,
    Mr,Jones,Martin J,83, West Street Gardens, Rochford, Essex SS4 1AU
    Mr,Jones,Martin G,35, Elm Drive, Rayleigh, Essex SS6 8AB
    Mr,Jones,Martin D,153, Cromwell Road, Grays, Essex,RM175HN
    Mr,Jones,Martin,98, Hall Road, Aveley,South Ockendon, Essex RM154HS
    Mr,Jones,Martin,291, Church Road, Basildon, Essex SS142NE
    Mr,Jones,Martin,6, Charlecote Road, Dagenham, Essex RM8 3LB

    July 14th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
  6. Dave says:

    Barrie – I find that shocking. If the Post Office really do that then they are carrying billions of unneeded letters needlessly and I for one think they are a bit silly.

    Birdie – thank you. I never know who appreciates these small touches.

    Sarah – so it obviously can work.

    T&E – Dear me!

    James. Thank you for the time taken to type these out. It could be one of these Martin Joneses, but then it could be one of the many ‘M Joneses’ in the directory. Of course many of these will be Marjorie Jones’ and similar, but it is difficult to know which.

    July 14th, 2006 at 5:11 pm
  7. Judah says:

    You have my condolences!
    It is not much different this side of the globe with some businesses. One kept sending my late mother’s mail to us for quite some time until I sent them, on her behalf, a “change of address” card with her new address being the local cemetery. That finally stopped them.

    July 14th, 2006 at 11:07 pm
  8. Maddie says:

    I know it can work, because when I first moved Royal Mail mucked up my redirection so my post was still going to my old house. A few days later a magazine company emailed me telling me they had my magazine returned to them and did I want to give them a different address?

    July 15th, 2006 at 8:34 am
  9. barrie says:

    Maddie,
    good, my faith in the postal service is restored.
    any that I had in Ernie the postman, sadly, has finally evaporated

    July 18th, 2006 at 1:38 pm