This procrastination cartoon is available for free repostage on your blog at We Blog Cartoons. I’ll add it to the ‘downloads’ section at Cartoonchurch.com if anyone would like me to.
Right, no more procrastination or internet surfing for me today. I’ve got work to do. No time to tell you about the remarkable and unexplained revival in fortunes of Wibsite.com in the UK Christian websites chart. No time to redirect you to Steve Tilley’s post about human evolution. No time to pontificate upon whether the Anglicans are on the brink of schism, the brink of the brink of schism, or the brink of the brink of the brink of schism.
No, not me. I’ve got cartoons to draw. By the way, if anyone has ideas for cartoon subjects for my ‘Guide to the Church’ series that I haven’t yet covered then all sugestions made in the comments will be tremendously welcomed. If you can suggest a funny angle to the subject in question then that’s even better.
Not that I’ll be reading my blog comments today. Oh no, I’ve got work to do.
Posted by Dave at 10:14 am on June 22, 2006 and filed under Cartoons, New Weblogcartoons cartoons, Slacking.
Today I am taking a break from my prolonged and detailed commentary on Anglican goings-on to return to the in-depth analysis which is the bread and butter of this internet column.
The subject for today’s essay: toothbrushes.
I am aware that many of you now use electric toothbrushes. I still use a manual model for the following reasons:
Firstly, as the years roll on one begins to realise that one needs all the excercise one can get. For Steve Tomkins this is cycling, for me it is brushing my teeth. This is partly because I cannot cycle as we have lost the garage key. It possibly went out with the recycling, but to be honest we do not really know. I am therefore unable to use my bicycle until we get around to writing a nice letter to the recycling people at the council asking whether they can have a bit of a rummage through the last few weeks’ collections and have a look for the key.
Secondly, I am of the opinion that the planet cannot support six billion electric toothbrushes. If we all used them at once a fuse somewhere would blow and the whole electricity infrastructure would collapse and civilisation with it. Having staggered bedtimes owing to the international dateline etc helps but it does not solve the problem.
The modern toothbrush is a wonder and a marvel. It is now impossible to sell a toothbrush to the masses unless it comes with at least ten ‘features’, samples of which are shown in the diagram above. It might seem at first glance that a lot of the features don’t really have any purpose. But that is not so my friend. Take the zig-zaggy flexistem for instance. The purpose of this is to collect toothbrushing gunk (Sorry – should have said – don’t read this while eating) so that after about two or three weeks one is reminded by the concentration of accumulated… matter… that one should renew ones toothbrush. Genius.
I do have to say though that I’m not a great fan of the bit that you are supposed to rub on your tongue. I tried it and it made me want to… no, you might be eating.
So, where do toothbrushes go from here? I’m hoping that toothbrush manufacturers will be tuning in to read this weblog entry, so do feel free to write your suggestions for new features in the comments.
Please brush your teeth twice daily, and if you only have one garage key get another one cut. Do it now.
Posted by Dave at 10:02 am on June 21, 2006 and filed under Cartoons, Design, In-depth analysis.
Note: I am fully expecting some of the conservative bloggers who have kindly linked to this site over the last few days to declare their blogs out of communion with mine following the publication of this cartoon. Some may even go as far as to request alternative episcopal cartoonage, I don’t know. But please at least have a read of what I’ve got to say.
[Click on the cartoon for the full sized version]
By ‘orthodox’ here I am referring to “Adhering to what is commonly accepted, customary, or traditional”, rather than the Orthodox church, which is different altogether. It seems to me (though I am just the guy who draws the funny pictures) that maintaining that because your position is ‘orthodox’ it is therefore right is a bit of a dangerous thing to do. What if there is the slightest possibility that the orthodox position is wrong? What if (to take a random example) it is ok for Gentiles to be Christians and for Christians to eat hooved animals? (Sorry, that will make no sense to people who are unfamiliar with the Bible and in particular Acts chapter 10)
Who knows, perhaps sometimes, just sometimes, God takes the unorthodox position. Perhaps we’d all do well to acknowledge that we can’t be 100% certain we are right.
I’d like to stress once more: I am only the guy who draws the funny pictures. I could very well be wrong.
To put this cartoon on your blog:
Copy and paste this code.
<img src="http://www.weblogcartoons.com/cartoonblog/god-is-unorthodox.gif" alt="cartoon from www.cartoonchurch.com" />
<p>Cartoon by <a href="http://www.cartoonchurch.com/blog/">Dave Walker</a>. </p>
Other bloggers I like writing about not-unrelated topics:
Preludium: “Send Lawyers, Guns and Money”
Barefoot in the wilderness: “There’s a lot of fuss and noise in the Church at the moment…”
Exigency In Specie: “Don’t you just love Christians…“
Posted by Dave at 2:58 pm on June 20, 2006 and filed under Anglican goings-on, Cartoons.
I’ve been on the internet doing a little bit of research into vestments and suchlike. Dear me, I have a lot to learn in this world. If anyone knows a thing or two about what clergy wear during services and the different headgear that they wear from time to time then do feel free to educate me in the comments below. This site is the best I’ve found so far. It’s very useful but the more I know the better.
Oh, by the way, if any of the offers in the image above interest you see here. (The link is not an endorsement of the site – I just stumbled upon it.)
Why settle for a Priest when you can have a Deluxe Pope for only about $33 extra? That’s what I say.
Posted by Dave at 8:23 pm on June 19, 2006 and filed under Church, Ecumenical matters, Utter nonsense.
Yes, I know, it should say ‘Presiding Bishop’ rather than ‘Archbishop’. I was trying to save on ink. We live in expensive times you know.
This mildly shoddy cartoon was inspired by this honest (if nothing else) post by Andrew Carey, son of ex-Archbishop George:
We found out in the Church of England that when some evangelicals attacked the appointment of Dr Rowan Williams because of previously held views that this backfired spectacularly on them. The first response of network and AAC leaders, in my view, should be that of welcome, prayer and a desire to meet with her. The rough stuff can come later.
Larry makes a good point in the comments of my previous post, where he mentions ‘relations with the Catholic and Orthodox churches’. Yes, a tricky one. After all, being ecumenical is a terribly good thing to try to do.
I suppose I see it this way. Just suppose there was a denomination who held as a central tenet of their faith the belief that all clergy should spend Tuesday mornings standing on their heads on a Royal Mail postbox preaching at passers by. Implausible I know, but it could happen. Should us Anglicans, in a desire to be ecumenical and build bridges with said denomination insist that our clergy set aside their Tuesday mornings to stand on their heads on a Royal mail postbox and preach in this way? Quite clearly not. It would clash with the mother and toddler group.
I don’t think that the day is ever going to come when all Christians join together with the same logo and a common font on their noticeboards. We are different. We hold different beliefs and have different ways of doing things. If we never changed anything for fear of upsetting everyone else then nothing would ever change. I think each denomination has to do what it honestly believes before God is the right thing to do and hope that when all is said and done we still like each other enough to join up for the occasional ecumenical lunch with pate sandwiches etc.
Update: Welcome to quite a lot of people who have been kindly ushered in to the pews here by the cyber-churchwardens on various blogs today. While you’re here you might enjoy looking at some of my other stuff – how about all of my posts on Anglican goings-on, the main blog page and my church-themed cartoons (You can use these cartoons in church publications if you pay a small licence fee). Thanks for visiting – do come again!
Posted by Dave at 11:06 am on June 19, 2006 and filed under Anglican goings-on, Cartoons, Church, Ecumenical matters.
It is so lazy just to post links. Please, if you’re a blogger don’t do it. It just makes you look rubbish.
Here are some links:
The Anglicans in America have elected an openly female bishop to be in charge of things. I have nothing to say except that it is a very good thing. For intelligent commentary see top Anglican thinking blog Thinking Anglicans and this post on top religion blog by a journalist, Ruth Gledhill’s blog. Oh, and Father Jake is actually there at the ‘Conference of Anglicans over in That Part of the World’, so he can tall you a thing or two about it all.
Talking of religion and blogs, there is a ‘network‘ of religion blogs called the Daily Scribe. Andrew the Tall Skinny Kiwi is a part of it, along with about 20 others. A ‘blog network’, in case you were wondering, is a grouping of weblogs calling themselves a ‘network’ to make themselves sound more important than they are. We all do it. The site looks interesting, though I do tend to look with some suspicion at any site which uses the word “Folksonomy”. Sorry, my problem I know. Lots of people who use the word “Folksonomy” in their daily lives and conversations now hate and detest me.
The Mad Priest asks whether Ship of Fools is better than the Wittenburg Door. This all came out of the well attended comments section from my post about Online Anger. It was the phrase ‘biting satire’ that caused me to raise my eyebrows, but Mad Priest’s question is a good one all the same.
Diamond Geezer learns to respect the Sabbath as he visits the Hebrides:
I really shouldn’t be writing this today. Sunday is the Lord’s Day, a day of rest and worship, and most definitely not a day for indulging in ungodly pleasures such as shopping, travelling or blogging.
St Hilary’s Minature Church. Don’t blame me, I just pass the links on. Blame Big Bulky Anglican.
Posted by Dave at 11:07 pm on June 18, 2006 and filed under Anglican goings-on, Ecumenical matters.
I am seriously overwhelmed by the number and quality of your ‘vicar’s study’ contributions. Loads of ideas and I am truly grateful. Seriously, especially as lots of them were on Saturday afternoon during prime sermon preparation time.
Ok, this isn’t an idea to enable me to draw a cartoon as such, but I do need an idea for a cartoon. I need to choose one cartoon for the book cover.
It needs to be:
(b) Not too complex, perhaps ruling out something like the church kitchen
(c) An image that is representative of my current work
(d) An image that will make the casual browser want to see more / look inside / buy the book
Any thoughts? I’m not asking for your favourite cartoon necessarily, (I will be doing that for another reason in a week or two), but one that you can picture on the front of a book. The cartoon on the left is one idea, being one of my better known ones. But it could be something from the Church Times ones (which are not yet on this site).
I suspect asking about this goes against of all sorts of protocols. Book covers are probably supposed to be decided upon by a team of publishing types in a darkened room, but… what the heck. It also could be construed as a bit of an introspective ego thing asking about a book cover, but in my defence let me assure you that it is a genuine tricky decision for me.
Thanks again for your help over the weekend and in advance for this one.
Posted by Dave at 8:37 pm on June 18, 2006 and filed under CartoonChurch progress, Cartooning.
Hello. I’m going to ask you for some help over the next week or two if I may. As I have previously mentioned all being well a book of my cartoons will be coming out at the end of August. I am under a lot of pressure to get a lot of cartoons done in a short period of time. I am not complaining – no one else is putting pressure on me, it is just the situation as it is. I am not ashamed to admit that I often find the journey from initial idea to finished drawing a difficult one. I become stressed and anxious which in turn causes me to be less creative and often this spirals into a sense of panic far exceeding the reality of the situation.
I’m therefore going to ask you, if you would be so kind, to help me with some ideas on specific subjects taken from my ‘half-baked ideas’ file. A ‘Help Dave do his drawings’ season, if you will.
Today’s subject is ‘the vicar’s study’. If you are a vicar or other type of minister what do you see as you look around your study? If you have (for whatever reason) cause to visit a vicar or minister’s study what do you see there? Is there anything that gets stored in a vicar’s study for a length of time? Things that belong there or things that do not really belong there. Any answers, no matter how mundane, will be welcome. Long lists or single words are both splendid.
By posting you are allowing me to use anything you write in one of my drawings.
Many thanks in advance for your help.
Posted by Dave at 1:18 pm on June 17, 2006 and filed under Cartooning.
This course will have no tutor as I am so busy doing other work that I quite simply do not have the time!
Instead participants will rely on the shared knowledge within the group. Please post anything you know in the comments below.
When you have spent two hours on the computer trying to figure out what is going on you are entitled to find a blank sheet of paper, write ‘HURRAH!’ on it in big letters and then pin it to the wall as your certificate of certification.
Posted by Dave at 10:49 am on June 17, 2006 and filed under Utter nonsense.
How do we cope with online anger? That is the subject of today’s essay.
We all get angry sometimes. We can be angry about things we read online, or angry at things we encounter offline (‘in real life’, as I like to call it) and then are tempted to express our anger online.
The problem with expressing anger online is that we run the risk of leaving a plaque set in concrete on the walls of the internet testifying to our own idiocy. Once something is written on a webpage it often stays written. Even if it is deleted then search engines will have picked it up and it wil be transmitted onwards to future generations who will marvel at how foolish we were and then place the worst examples in a Museum of Online Stupidity.
As bloggers we have a responibility to speak the truth as far as we are aware of it. It is tempting to lash out at people or organisations who have done us wrong. I do it all the time. But then again often by speaking out we have the chance to warn other people so that they do not buy or use the services of Idiots, of whom there are many. I suppose we should be careful not to overstate the case. The problem with writing a humourous column is that overstating the case is what makes people laugh (Sometimes, at least. I would not like to assume that people are laughing all the time).
It is important to express your anger somehow though. Unexpressed anger is a road to all sorts of inner turmoil. I should know. But writing it down online is perhaps not the best form of therapy. Try something like scrumpling up a ball of paper. Go on – scrumple that paper!
I know of one internet bulletin board that has a special area set aside where people can be angry with each other. The idea is that by containing the anger it does not spill over into the discussion in other areas of that website. Does it work? Well, yes, sort of. As long as you don’t take everything written in that space too seriously.
I still think though that in that example and on the internet generally people later regret typing things that they would not say if they were face to face, human being to human being. We hide behind our pseudonyms and our blog pages because it makes it easier for us to speak out. But after the dust has settled I at least find that when I have expressed myself strongly I wish that I had toned it down a bit.
There is one exception to all of this. People who make unsolicited telephone calls. They deserve everything they get*.
*The final paragraph was included to inject a note of humour into the proceedings. If you only take one thing away from today’s message let it be the lovey-dovey stuff beforehand about loving your neighbour, teaching the world to sing in perfect harmony etc etc.
Posted by Dave at 11:02 am on June 16, 2006 and filed under Cartoons, In-depth analysis.
The results of my recent football poll:
Will you be watching the football?
* Oh yes! I’ll be watching as much as I can: 35% (37)
* I plan to watch the matches my country is playing, but that is it: 8% (9)
* I might watch the odd match. Then again I might not: 28% (30)
* Our country is not in it so it is of no interest: 6% (6)
* Football? Never heard of it: 23% (25)
Total Votes : 107
It seems that the largest single group of readers on my blog are football fanatics. With this in mind I am going to make a renewed effort to give you what you want.
Posted by Dave at 2:11 pm on June 15, 2006 and filed under Current events, Football, World cup.