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June 29th, 2006

Lost property and the five-elbowed

idiots at lecterns

I’m posting this lunchtime cartoon mainly for my own amusement rather than anyone elses. The truth is that I am against people with five elbows reading from lecterns or in fact doing anything in church, and am using the considerable influence of this blog to make a mockery of them. I know, it’s a narrowminded and bigoted point of view, but it’s just what I believe. If you can convince me that the five-elbowed have any right to come within two or three metres of a lectern then I’ll take it all back, but in the meantime my point stands.

OK, today is hopefully the last time I will ask you for any cartoon ideas. I hope you have enjoyed giving the ideas – I have certainly enjoyed reading them and ideas from here and there have been terribly useful as I’ve been working towards my deadlines.

One final ideas appeal. Lost property. What do people leave behind in church? What is the most inappropriate or unusual lost property that might be left in a church? Actually, not too inappropriate come to think of it…

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12 Responses to “Lost property and the five-elbowed”


  1. andy c says:

    Hi, ideas for stuff left at church, can’t promise any of these are funny, useful or whatever…

    A:
    1) Car Keys,
    2) Car,
    3) Exhaust system for car

    B:
    1) Mobile Phone
    2) Mobile Home

    C:
    Latvian Exchange student

    D:
    Used condom [actually found this once... am a youthworker]

    E:
    The vicar

    June 29th, 2006 at 1:52 pm
  2. ash says:

    I have found:
    a) a shoe
    b) lots of jackets and umbrellas and scarfs
    c) bibles that are exactly the same as the pew ones, but have a name inside

    June 29th, 2006 at 2:28 pm
  3. tortoise says:

    A: Coin.

    B: Sheep.

    June 29th, 2006 at 2:31 pm
  4. Richard says:

    Sort of a lost property story – Beth bookcrosses on a bench round the back of our Church. Each book she leaves has a large bright yellow label on the front saying ‘This book is not lost’, and then giving a quick overview of bookcrossing. Having said that, we’ve lost track of the number of times someone has handed the book into either the vicar, or the Parish Office as lost property. The record is about three minutes between Beth placing the book, and someone handing it in to a sidesperson!

    June 29th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
  5. James says:

    Our Church Lost Property Box currently contains:
    A woolly scarf
    A dangly diamante earring
    A keyring (with a key on it)
    A cuddly mouse (knitted)

    We usually have a collection of umbrellas in the porch. The range of umbrellas changes regularly – a sort of a lending library for those wanting to stay dry (when it rains).

    June 29th, 2006 at 5:30 pm
  6. Nefertiki says:

    Found much amusement in above cartoon. Funny how one immediately recalls being squirmingly subjected to such characters while in some audience, congregation or whatever.

    I’m glad you added, “not too innappropriate” as you must have realized the sort of ideas which would have otherwise have settled in my brain. Fortunately Andy C. wittily took care of that anyway.

    Ideas:

    One of the kids, (if not already forgotten at a rest stop on the Interstate.)

    A note that someone has successfully passed to you without attracting notice, on how dull the sermon is today. And signed, but with initials only.

    Your wife, but in the parking lot, not actually IN church.

    Your mother in law, visiting from out of town for the purpose of discussing moving in with your family for the rest of her natural life.*

    Your shopping list for Sunday shopping.

    *shows what a good sport I am, including a mother in law joke when I am soon to become one. A mother in law, not a joke.

    P.S. Hopefully this is NOT the last time you will ask for cartoon ideas as it was fun trying to come up with them – almost like working. Using one’s brain for thinking – what a pleasant experience!

    Wait a minute, I have a question perhaps you’ll explain when you have a free half hour in Nov. or Dec. Why haven’t you asked us for ideas about kids, specifically. Although you have done some marvellous ones about young people, e.g., Teenage bishop (hilarious, true to life, and makes one wonder, there are teenage entrepreneurs, teenage mayors, then why not teenage bishops?); the young people one that was recommended for the back cover of your book; an old, dark, zany one I like about dropping the kids off at a child care center (or someplace like that). MY question: will you ever draw more on your experience as a youth worker? Or are you planning another book devoted to cartoons on that subject?

    June 29th, 2006 at 5:36 pm
  7. Gareth says:

    An old Catholic joke:

    The parish priest was about to deliver his sermon on the Ten Commandments when he noticed that a parishioner was looking very worried.

    He made a mental note to speak to the parishioner after the Mass, and started his sermon.

    Quite suddenly, when he was talking about the 7th Commandment, the parishioner suddenly looked happy and started to relax.

    After the Mass he asked the parishioner about this and was told, “I was worried that I had lost my umbrella, but as soon as you said ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ I remembered where I left it.”

    June 29th, 2006 at 9:11 pm
  8. Lorraine says:

    Found in the cathedral — kitten in a cardboard box. Scared the bejeebus out of our custodian, who picked up what he thought was an empty box — it moved!

    June 29th, 2006 at 9:32 pm
  9. Cathryn says:

    We don’t have a lost property box but have a sort of heap in the vestry. At present there is a pair of pink wellies, a leather belt, a small make up bag and a walking stick. No-one asks about these items, but I have been informed of at least two missing umbrellas this week alone. It’s not even raining! There is a pair of glasses that remain unclaimed but at least two people use them at morning prayer – saves a trip to the optician I guess.

    June 30th, 2006 at 9:37 am
  10. Dave says:

    Nefertiki – I’m not sure why I don’t do more young people ones. Perhaps it is because ideas tend to occur when I think about specific topics, and young people are not really a subject on my mind at the moment.

    Lots of ace ideas that will get a mention in the cartoon (being finished and scanned today).

    Cathryn – I love the idea of a communal pair of glasses.

    June 30th, 2006 at 10:01 am
  11. Simo says:

    I currently have a tent and two deck chairs among the lost property in my office!

    June 30th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
  12. Never Conforming says:

    Not so sure about lost property but was having lectern issues this morning. It wasn’t adjustable and was a good foot lower than it should be. I felt like kneeling down. :S

    Jo

    July 2nd, 2006 at 9:46 pm