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June 22nd, 2006

Churchwardens

This is another ‘please help Dave with ideas for cartoons’ post.

Churchwardens.
If any readers are churchwardens I’d love to hear from you of course, but hopefully enough people reading might know a churchwarden to be able to give me some ideas. Of course other denominations won’t have ‘churchwardens’ as such, but you will have people who are in charge of organising things and looking after the buildings, which is sort-of the same. More or less.

My questions:
1) Are there any odd or unusual tasks which churchwardens get called upon to do?
2) If the churchwardens had a cupboard what would they keep in it?

Many thanks in advance for your answers. I drew a picture using some of your replies to the ‘Vicar’s study’ question today, and it is, though I say it myself, dashed marvellous.

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16 Responses to “Churchwardens”


  1. Ben says:

    My dad used to be a church warden. He’d be forever trying to unblock the church’s guttering with the “small works committee” or changing a bulb which the youth group (that he also lead) had broken with overenthusiastic dodgeball.

    Best and most unusual job was setting off fireworks from the church roof at the millenium, of course I had to help him (the fire works committee).

    June 22nd, 2006 at 8:56 pm
  2. Michelle says:

    Hmmm, what would churchwardens keep in their cupboard…
    Spare sidesmen, dummies for shutting up noisy children, a couple of faculties, a ladder, a broken tea urn and the Archdeacon – just in case?

    June 23rd, 2006 at 12:14 am
  3. Sean+ says:

    Dave,

    This has absolutely nothing to do with churchwardens. I believe I have a funny moment from real life that might go wonderfully into one of your cartoons.

    I visited a trappist monastery. Brother Dominic, who was in charge of the kitchen and loved to talk to guests, wore a button that read, “Ask me about my vow of silence.”

    :)

    June 23rd, 2006 at 3:26 am
  4. James says:

    As a Vicar of 4 churches/parishes I have 8 churchwardens with whom to work. They are certainly a variety of people and personalities! At the moment 2 are women and the rest are men. They are all called on to do ‘odd things’ from time to time. There are certainly the gutttering jobs that Ben mentions – someone is always around to point out to a churchwarden (or Vicar) just where the rainwater overflows the gutters and downpipes.

    Things to keep in a cupboard – a measuring tape (to measure the girth of ‘ancient yews’, check that the memorials – gravestones etc – are not too big or too small); spare terriers and inventories (terriers record the land owned by the parish) in case the Archdeacon doesn’t like the current ones; and rotas for sidespeople, flower arrangers, coffee makers, cleaners, brass polishers, fair trade stall organizers, lesson readers and intercessors.

    We use the organ loft for our broken tea urns, ladders, and possibly children and archdeacons (but I don’t check very often).

    June 23rd, 2006 at 8:12 am
  5. Simo says:

    I don’t know why but in all my youthwork posts I don’t seam to have a lot of contact with the church wardens, I think they are afraid of me? Maybe they think that seeing as everybody always has a job for them and youth workers are always looking for new volunteers they are best avoided?

    June 23rd, 2006 at 9:36 am
  6. Larry Day says:

    I’ve always been fascinated by the sticks/rods/wands churchwardens carry. Presumably to fend off intruders, heretics or even cartoonists?

    I love the way they just sit in a bracket in the “churchwardens pew” most of the time and come out for “special occasions”.

    June 23rd, 2006 at 9:49 am
  7. H says:

    I am a church verger, part time. The things in our cupboard include many, many spare keys, keys we have never seen before, keys that don’t fit any locks, broken keys, codes, old codes, potential codes, alarm reports for when people forget the codes and a brush and dust pan.

    June 23rd, 2006 at 12:29 pm
  8. Septuagent says:

    Canon F15.
    The Canons of the Church of England, 6th Edition 2000 + First Supplement 2005.

    Of churches not to be profaned.

    1. The Churchwardens and their assistants shall not suffer the church or chapel to be profaned by any meeting therein for temporal objects inconsistent with the sancitity of the place, not the bells to be rung at any time contrary to the directions of the minister.

    2. They shall not suffer any person so to behave in the church, church porch, or churchyard during the time of divine service as to create disturbance. They shall also take care that nothing be done therein contrary to the law of the Church or of the Realm.

    3. If any person be guilty of riotous, violent, or indecent behaviour in any church, chapel, or churchyard, whether in any time of divine service or not, or of disturbing, vexing, troubling, or misusing any minister officiating therein, the said churchwardens or their assistants shall take care to restrain the offender and if necessary proceed against him according to law.

    (No standing on the pew and shouting alleluia then).

    June 23rd, 2006 at 1:00 pm
  9. Cathryn says:

    I am a Church Administrator and I regularly call on the Churchwarden to locate and catch spiders in the office that are putting me off my work. I would go so far as to say that this has become one of his main responsibilities.
    Our Churchwarden has an entire floor to keep things in and he stores anything that everyone else wants to throw away. When he is on holiday the Vicar loads a truck up with all the stuff and “recycles” it!

    June 23rd, 2006 at 1:21 pm
  10. Richard says:

    Traditionally, churchwardens sticks were supposed to be used to keep wild dogs away from the Church, although now all that seems to happen is that they get used by kids for a game of improtu cricket using the kneelers…

    Our churchwardens don’t have a cupboard, however a long serving former verger did, and nobody else, not even the vicar had a key. Every succesive new vicar and churchwarden attempted to obtain a key, but failed… Apparently amongst other things it contained the spare candles, but who knows what else?

    June 23rd, 2006 at 3:56 pm
  11. Emma says:

    Hmm, I read that as

    If the churchwardens had a cupboard what would they keep it in….

    most peculiar. I decided a fold away cupboard that would fit nicely into a matchbox to be carried around at all times might be a useful tool…

    June 23rd, 2006 at 6:14 pm
  12. ash says:

    Once, during a spring clean, we found an old shiney metal box covered in (fake yet posh) jewels, and a matching book. The box was full of mysterious keys what have no known purpose or function… the book contained… mysteries… ancient, lost mysteries…

    We also elected one Warden based upon his history as a fire-fighter, believing that we would at last have a warden who would brave the 30ft climb up a rickety wooden ladder to the loft. Wherein, he found a portrait of Mary and various old signs reading ‘Whack a Rat’ ‘Cakes’ ‘Cream Teas’ etc. in the loft that may well pre-date the Church.

    Our warden cupboard would probably contain keys; their magic wands (in case someone from the Diocese comes/ an oppourtunity to play Gandalf at the local am-dram comes up); some old tools; the church Bell (which currently serves as a doorstop in the porch, because the people who built the church bought a bell but forgot to build a tower); a scaffolding tower; some buckets for emptying the paddling pool after baptising big people; plastic sheets; all the tapers to light the candles- because we lost them all years ago and noone knows where they went; a home-made extension lead and some fuse wire; that magical box of mystery keys of mystery.

    June 25th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
  13. Kate Price says:

    Our churchwardens keep lost property in their cupboard, plus all the removable bits of the sound system. Every now and again they get all the lost property out and ask people to claim it. Nobody wanted the trousers! There are lots of keys, but never the odd one we need. There is also a screwdriver, as it is the wardens’ job to unscrew the big posh doors for special occasions

    June 27th, 2006 at 9:44 am
  14. Dave says:

    I’ve now drawn my churchwarden’s cartoon – thanks for all the ideas. I may edit it though to include the lost trousers Kate – we shall see. As for the big posh doors, one wonders why one is taking them off not putting them on for the special occasion. If I were holding a special occasion I’d want all the big posh doors I could get.

    June 27th, 2006 at 10:01 am
  15. Kate Price says:

    The big posh doors are kept shut most of the time (because they are too big, posh and heavy to move). We use little ones at the side. On special occasions we open them wide to let people in (and out!) Good for wide wedding dresses!

    June 27th, 2006 at 12:19 pm
  16. stevet-l says:

    Where is the Churchwardens cartoon then, Dave? I can’t find it?

    thanks

    PS I’m one, actually.

    July 20th, 2006 at 8:45 pm