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June 9th, 2006

Porpoise competition 2

porpoise

I’ve got 5 copies of ‘Porpoise 2′ to give away. Porpoise, in case you had forgotten, is a comic edited by Si Smith with a load of different artists in it. I gave away some copies of Issue 1 last year if you remember. Porpoise 2 has one of my unpublished-anywhere-in-the-world-thus-far cartoons in it; one of my favourites from 2005 in fact. But enough about me, Porpoise has lots of other cartoonists and comic-book artists in it too. I can’t remember who or how many though because my copies are in another house owing to organisational manoeuvres.

I’ll send the 5 copies to the first 5 names out of the hat who leave an answer in the comments to both of the following questions:

1. Name one thing about going to church that makes you smile.
2. Name one thing about going to church that makes you a bit grumpy.

If you don’t go to church then think of an occasion when you did. If you’ve never been make it up. You’ve got until the end of Saturday UK time. I’ll send them anywhere in the world.

I’ll be honest with you. I need some ideas for cartoons so I’ll be using your answers to inspire some scribbles. Doing two drawings with one stone, or something. By entering you are allowing me to use your ideas in cartoons and agree not to write me letters in 20 years time asking for shares of royalties.

If you don’t win a copy you can get your own by following these instructions from Si himself:

If you want a copy [and why wouldn't you?] send me just one pound and fifty new pence, plus a stamp, and i’ll bung one back to you by return of post [sellotape coins between bits of cardboard to ensure their safe arrival - the address is over on the links page!...]

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22 Responses to “Porpoise competition 2”


  1. Emma says:

    One thing about church that makes me smile is the vicars daughter dancing in the aisle without a care in the world.

    One thing about church that makes me grumpy is the vicar playing a game of – ‘lets see who can say this prayer the quickest’ with himself… and leaving the rest of the congregation still trundling through the first line.

    June 9th, 2006 at 8:36 am
  2. birdie says:

    1. The other people there.
    2. The other people there.

    June 9th, 2006 at 8:54 am
  3. barrie says:

    1. Receiving Communion & Having my 1 year old daughter blessed
    2. Feeling pressurized to put my daughter into the creche, when I know she wants to wander around the church and dance to the hymns

    June 9th, 2006 at 11:40 am
  4. Tiffer says:

    1. Good wine
    2. Bad food

    June 9th, 2006 at 12:15 pm
  5. St says:

    1. The vicar is a total slaphead but doesn’t shave the bits down the sides.

    2. Bad grammar in songs.

    June 9th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
  6. Cherith says:

    1. Wee kids getting up to mischeif before thay go to childrens church.
    2.When songs are shown on the screen and God, Lord, Jesus etc words dont have capital letters.

    June 9th, 2006 at 2:08 pm
  7. Simon Davies says:

    1. The effort people go to to make the coffee
    2. The coffee.

    June 9th, 2006 at 2:08 pm
  8. Suzy says:

    1. Singing the sort of song that makes me feel like dancing and waving my arms about (although I don’t actually dance and wave my arms about!) :D

    2. Singing strange, peculiar, obscure, and difficult-to-sing hymns, especially when the organist doensn’t know them or like them either! :(

    June 9th, 2006 at 2:27 pm
  9. Margaret says:

    1. when visitors & newcomers are made welcome, spoken to, invited to stay for coffee after the service etc.
    2. The church photocopier when it’s having a bad hair day.

    June 9th, 2006 at 9:33 pm
  10. axegrinder says:

    1. Greeting the 4’10″ tall woman who runs the Altar Guild after church

    2. People who only show up to church when we have meetings to decide how to spend money

    June 10th, 2006 at 8:48 am
  11. Sarah says:

    1. We did a series on Ecclesiastes by looking at a few contemporary films. One of these was American Beauty, including the ‘masturbating in the shower’ bit. This made me smile because it’s not what you’d expect from church. Apologies to people who don’t expect to find such references on websites with ‘church’ in the title.

    2. What makes me grumpy is when worship involves singing songs written by someone else, chosen by someone else and only led by people who can play guitar – and everyone sings looking at the front – not very communal – and then a 20 minute srmon follows where I’m told what to think by someone who isn’t interested in what I think. It’s why I don’t go to normal church any more.

    June 10th, 2006 at 12:26 pm
  12. Fr K says:

    1. Being so focused at the altar during the offertory that I sing “why was he born so beautiful” instead of “The day of Ressurection” because the tune is the same and I dont have a hymn book at that point.
    2.People who didn’t find it funny.

    June 10th, 2006 at 12:32 pm
  13. James says:

    1. The children who look you in the eye at the communion rail and smile

    2. What makes me grumpy are the people who always have to find something ‘not quite right’ with their experience of church (eg – ‘the heating was too hot’, ‘why was the heating off?’, ‘why are the flowers looking tired?’) but don’t want to be involved.

    June 10th, 2006 at 1:13 pm
  14. kercal says:

    Likes:

    When things click through divine collaboration.

    Dislikes:

    When things stick, or indeed click because youth groupers have stuffed things like sweet wrappers into places that do not require an obstruction.

    ((don’t need to be entered into the comp though, ta, but if I can mention that Porpoise 2 also contains some artwork by me as well that’d be nice…))

    June 10th, 2006 at 2:08 pm
  15. Helen says:

    1. Being part of a community not just a congregation
    2. The words “militant homosexual agenda” and sermons about how terrorism is because we all have sex before marriage.

    June 10th, 2006 at 3:45 pm
  16. Michelle says:

    It makes me smile in church to know that God can use even my efforts to lead and preach and plan with and serve his community… and I’m reassured that he sees my heart for him and the people even when what we do isn’t perfect.

    It makes me grumpy in church when some of the people gathered expect everything to be perfect (even though that’s often different for all) and forget that God looks at the heart too.

    June 10th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
  17. Smudgie says:

    The thing that makes me smile in church is when I catch God’s eye and he winks at me.

    The thing that makes me grumpy in church is when the lovely arrangement of the new chairs around a central table is taken apart and returned to rows replicating the pews that were taken out because “we don’t like it that way”. The good thing is, that’s one of the moments I catch God’s eye and he winks at me! :D

    June 10th, 2006 at 7:39 pm
  18. Ruth says:

    I really, really love all of the above comments. The comments regarding children dancing in the aisles are especially wonderful for me because mine do that and I find it so stressful that it sometimes reduces me to tears -I pretend I have hay fever and it’s the church flowers that are aggravating it. (I hear a lot of tutting about it in my church). My dearest husband teaches karate on a Sunday morning and so can’t make the service which means I either go and endure the embarassment of my children trying and succeeding in steeling the show or I stay at home and watch Songs of Praise that evening instead (no chance – the children are still up then and they’d be dancing in front of the TV).

    One thing about church that makes me smile is my total panic and consequent lack of prayer during communion as my 18 month old daughter tries to snatch the wine from me, so that the officiant has to hold the challice with one hand and help me to hold her back with the other (meanwhile 4 1/2 year old has scarpered without his blessing)

    One thing about church that makes me grumpy is my total panic and consequent lack of prayer during communion as my 18 month old daughter tries to snatch the wine from me, with a challice bearer who does not know how to deal with this situation and a 4 1/2 year old who is making inappropriate comments : e.g “why are the choir singing a horrid song?” or “do all ladies have big bottoms when they get old?”

    June 10th, 2006 at 11:16 pm
  19. liz says:

    The amount of children in church services (150ish)

    The amount of children in church services (150ish)

    June 11th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
  20. Dave says:

    This competition is now closed. Thanks for all entries. I’ll post the list of winners shortly.

    Dave

    June 11th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
  21. eve says:

    Too bad the competition is over, because I have the 2 best answers. And they’re true.
    #1. I smile in church because in that very holy place, I can’t help thinking about what a sinner I am; then, I can’t help smiling because I know I am still loved. And it makes me glad.
    #2. I get REALLY grumpy in church sometimes, because I think about what a sinner I am, then I remember I am forgiven and loved. And then I see someone sitting in church who bugs me or I am jealous of, and then I have to think about THEM being beloved and forgiven (just as much as me), and then I hate having the proof in FRONT OF ME that I am STILL such a sinner, even though I just now had all the love-and-forgiveness feelings, like, 2 minutes ago. Then I get all bummed about what a vicious cycle it is, being a child of God.

    June 16th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
  22. eve says:

    And I also want a copy of your book, but being a stupid American, I don’t have any “new pence” or the right kind of stamp, and I don’t even know what “bung one to me” means. But I’m going to keep reading your blog, because I am a true Anglophile (though ignorant)

    June 16th, 2006 at 1:25 pm