My cartoon from today’s Church Times, ‘The Pulpit‘ is now available on their website. I have to say it is one I am quite pleased with. Thanks must go to Maddie_C who gave me some good ideas for it. This one will be in the book, to be released at the end of August. It will appear on this website too at some future point.

Sorry not to post anything more thrilling this morning. I have another full day of computer cartoon-editing ahead of me.

Posted by Dave at 8:58 am on June 30, 2006 and filed under Cartooning, Church.

8 Comments

I’m posting this lunchtime cartoon mainly for my own amusement rather than anyone elses. The truth is that I am against people with five elbows reading from lecterns or in fact doing anything in church, and am using the considerable influence of this blog to make a mockery of them. I know, it’s a narrowminded and bigoted point of view, but it’s just what I believe. If you can convince me that the five-elbowed have any right to come within two or three metres of a lectern then I’ll take it all back, but in the meantime my point stands.

OK, today is hopefully the last time I will ask you for any cartoon ideas. I hope you have enjoyed giving the ideas – I have certainly enjoyed reading them and ideas from here and there have been terribly useful as I’ve been working towards my deadlines.

One final ideas appeal. Lost property. What do people leave behind in church? What is the most inappropriate or unusual lost property that might be left in a church? Actually, not too inappropriate come to think of it…

Posted by Dave at 1:39 pm on June 29, 2006 and filed under Cartooning, Cartoons.

12 Comments

I am coming to the conclusion that Essex is the least ‘green’ place I have ever lived. Take recycling for instance. As I look out of my window on bin day I can see more houses which have put no recycling out than those that have. In fact I can see 11 wheely bins (normal rubbish) and 2 black boxes (Glass, cans and newspapers). Admittedly if you wander down the road to the bungalows occupied largely by pensioners the situation is better, but the commuting classes care not a jot. The evidence on the ground is borne out by the statistics, where Rochford Borough Council comes No 366 out of 393 authorities in England. That’s worse than the situation in Bristol which Paul wrote about yesterday.

Then there’s cycling. I generally feel too unsafe to cycle locally as the design of the roads from a cyclists perspective are so apalling. (And I am not, I should add, a novice cyclist. I used to race bicycles for the UK’s top sporting university and have the yellow and purple lycra to prove it.) Take Maddie_C’s town, town X. They built it with cycle paths around most of the new housing estates 15 or 20 years ago. A good thing you might think. Not really, because now 20 years later:

1. The surfaces on most of the cycle routes are now appalling and unmaintained
2. Because there are cycle paths most of the speed limits are 40 or 50 mph on the roads that actually go anywhere (as opposed to the ones within the housing estates), and cars typically go 10mph above the speed limit
3. Most drivers have never seen a cyclist and drive accordingly

I went for a cycle ride earlier in the week and had to turn around after a mile and come home again because I reached a large dual cariageway road at which point the cycle paths all stop and there is no way to cross unless you ride on the road which at rush hour would mean probable death.

I’ve no time to say more as I have to complete a huge amount of work today, but it seems almost as if the only thing to do if you are a green-minded person living in Essex is to move somewhere else.

Posted by Dave at 9:31 am on June 29, 2006 and filed under Environment, Essex Life, Slightly grumpy.

1 Comment

[Supersize this cartoon by clicking on it]

This one is done in Shrigleyesque ‘mistakes and all’ format for the following reasons:

• Time is oh so short. Apart from this, my lunchhour, I am devoting my waking life in the next 2 days to digitally editing one zillion cartoons. So I do not have the time to be editing this, the zillion and oneth.
• I do not think you are really bothered whether there are crossings-out or not. Your life will continue pretty much as it would have been had I not shown any crossings-out.
• In primary school Mathematics classes it was no good just to write down the answer, ie Answer = 46. (For some reason it always had to be written down Answer = and underlined. I know not why.) No, it was essential to show the workings, in other words how one arrived at the answer. “WALKER!! WHERE ARE THE WORKINGS??” the teacher would bellow if ones workings were not shown. In the same way I feel that you should, on this occasion see the workings of this drawing. Please do not bellow at me if you would prefer not to see the workings.

Thank you to the commenters in a previous post whose tireless work inspired this drawing.

Posted by Dave at 1:24 pm on June 28, 2006 and filed under Cartoons.

10 Comments

I’m not sure whether I’ve written this down before, so I’ll do so now.

I welcome and appreciate comments on this blog. I am pleased when people post comments both agreeing with my views and the views of other commenters as well as those disagreeing in a respectful manner.

I reserve the right not to display comments for any of the following reasons or for any other reason I decide upon:

• The comment contains language I deem inappropriate.
• The comment is nonsensical.
• The comment is expressed in a rude or aggressive tone.
• The comment is posted with the main intention of advertising the author’s own website.
• No genuine e-mail address is given.

Comments will be moderated if:

• You are a new commenter.
• A link is included in the comment.
• The comment contains strong language or any words from my list of words used by spammers. These are a very odd and bizarre selection of words, so if a comment is moderated for no apparent reason this is probably why.

Comments are usually moderated on the day they are posted, but moderation may not happen for considerably longer if I am away.

Please remember that this is a humour weblog and that the contents must therefore be read with that in mind.

Thanks for listening. For one reason or another I needed to post this today. I’ll hopefully post something more interesting later.

Posted by Dave at 8:41 am on June 28, 2006 and filed under CartoonChurch progress, Mundane.

11 Comments

You can find this one at We Blog Cartoons, my site where cartoons with nowhere to lay their weary heads find new owners who will take them home and give them the love and care they deserve. If you are in the position to copy a small piece of code then please, for the sake of those poor little helpless cartoons do the right thing.

These are the topics that are on my mind today. Any advice will be welcomed with open arms:

Sunday shopping
Good excuses for doing so. And yes, of course you need an excuse. Think of the ten commandments!

Church noticeboards
Inside the church or outside. What do you find on them?

Mission in the workplace
Subtle ways to let your collegues know you are a churchgoer. This was inspired by the comment Tiffer made about 5 minutes ago. Well done Tiffer!

As before I thank you sincerely and in advance for your ideas.

Posted by Dave at 9:55 am on June 27, 2006 and filed under Cartooning, Cartoons, New Weblogcartoons cartoons.

13 Comments

Back To Church Sunday aims to get people back to church on the 24th of September by bribing them with chocolate and a free bookmark. Hmmm. I wonder whether addressing the reasons people leave church in the first place might be as useful, if not slightly more. Then again, these people on 43 Things obviously think going back to church is the thing to do.

Meanwhile Michael Hampson is of the opposite opinion, as he explains in his Guardian piece today. The Church of England is dying and we should form an orderly queue if we want to buy up some of the kneelers. Does he have a good point or are these the bitter rantings of an (ex?) Priest? You decide.

Right. Back to work.

Posted by Dave at 1:39 pm on June 26, 2006 and filed under Anglican goings-on, Church.

5 Comments

This gives you an idea of the quality of material likely to come forth during this work of turmoil.

To those surfing in looking for a water cartoon. I’m sorry, you caught us at a bad time. It isn’t normally like this here. Usually everything is brilliant.

Posted by Dave at 1:21 pm on June 26, 2006 and filed under Cartoons.

9 Comments

This week is final final deadline week for the book. It’s all getting a bit stressful, but hopefully everything that needs to be drawn, scanned and edited will get done and my sanity will escape as unscathed as one could hope under the circumstances. I hope to blog every day, but my contributions may be lacking in lustre. We shall see. In the meantime any advice you can give on any of these topics would be a great help. Seriously, anything. The smallest of mentions in the ‘Vicar’s study’ comments provided some great material.

Vestments (continued)
What is the difference between a biretta and a canterbury cap? I have no idea. And is there any joke you can make about a chasuble? Or in fact any individual vestment. Vestments – they really should be funny. Gah.

Marches and processions
What interesting things could happen when a church group goes on a procession of witness around the town centre? Do you like marching, or hate it?

Tracts
What interesting and unusual tracts or leaflets are kept at the back of your church?

Thanks again. You are great examples to your collective selves.

Update: More great input – thank you. Please do carry on. Any further thoughts, especially on leaflets kept at the back of your church would be great.

Posted by Dave at 8:14 pm on June 25, 2006 and filed under Cartooning.

27 Comments

From: dave at cartoonchurch dot com
To: contactus at scottishpower dot com

Dear Scottish Power,

Today I had a call from one of your Scottish Power salesmen asking whether I would be interested in switching over to Scottish electricity from the English variety I am currently using.

I was not too pleased about this, mainly because unannounced electricity salesmen are on my ’10 most loathed’ list. The fact that he asked whether my parents were in (I am of middle age, though I maintain a youthful demeanour) did not help.

To tell you the truth I am very happy using the English electricity that I get through my wires at the moment. Unless you can explain to me why your electricity is better I can see no reason to change, particularly as it will mean the power has to be piped over a long distance (I assue you transport it that way rather than via fleet of lorries). Please do not say that your electricity is cheaper, as I am interested in quality not price. I am on the brink of making a fortune by being an internet cartoonist and so price is not an issue.

Perhaps you can send a free sample and we can take things from there.

There is one thing I need to say though. You really need to stop making these unannounced telephone calls as everyone that I know intensely dislikes companies who do that and will not buy from them on principle. Please reassure me that you intend to stop making the calls so that I can assure the readers of my daily internet column (who are being informed about this letter) that that is the case. If you do not stop making the calls I will have to inform my readers and I cannot see that it will do the reputation of Scottish electricity any good. I can see that my Scottish readers in particular will be ashamed that their electricity is sold in this way. Please spare them this embarrassment and change your ways for the good of us all.

Yours faithfully,

Dave Walker

Posted by Dave at 7:09 pm on June 24, 2006 and filed under Letters, One-man campaigns.

11 Comments

I have folded this cartoon up, put it in an envelope, stuck a stamp on it and posted it to We Blog Cartoons. You are welcome to freely re-use the cartoon on your own blog, but please donate the used stamp to a used stamp charity.

These are my thoughts on this partially cloudy Essex morning:

I have been thinking about ‘right and wrong’. Is it the responsibility of the individual to decide what is right or wrong? Or does the community of faith (the ‘church’, some might call it) have a role in telling us what is right and wrong too?

I feel that, on one hand, unless one has walked in another person’s shoes, experienced what they have experienced then we, as onlookers have no right to judge their actions. If another person has honestly thought their actions through and used and used the best means at their disposal to decide what is right and what is wrong (For example their conscience, the Bible as they understand it, their own life experience, etc) who are we to tell them they are mistaken?

But then again this view breaks down when it comes to actions that we all acknowledge are wrong. We all, for instance, would agree that it is wrong to steal pencils. I cannot imagine that any unrepentant pencil-stealers frequent this blog. But what if a friend believes strongly that if they see a pencil it is their right to take that pencil home and add it to their pencil case? Surely we would be right to make them see the error of their ways. Otherwise no pencils would be safe and scociety would descend into chaos. ‘Lock up your pencils’ would become our watchword.

The problem is, I suppose, that we need to decide which ‘wrongs’ are undisputed wrongs and which are debatable wrongs. The problem is often that there are disputes about which ones are undisputed. I suspect the disagreements in the Anglican world stem in part from such a difference of opinion.

If you have no idea what I have been on about please continue merrily on your way and come back tomorrow when I shall refrain from such in-depth talk. Otherwise do feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Posted by Dave at 10:27 am on June 23, 2006 and filed under Cartoons, New Weblogcartoons cartoons, Profound.

18 Comments

This is another ‘please help Dave with ideas for cartoons’ post.

Churchwardens.
If any readers are churchwardens I’d love to hear from you of course, but hopefully enough people reading might know a churchwarden to be able to give me some ideas. Of course other denominations won’t have ‘churchwardens’ as such, but you will have people who are in charge of organising things and looking after the buildings, which is sort-of the same. More or less.

My questions:
1) Are there any odd or unusual tasks which churchwardens get called upon to do?
2) If the churchwardens had a cupboard what would they keep in it?

Many thanks in advance for your answers. I drew a picture using some of your replies to the ‘Vicar’s study’ question today, and it is, though I say it myself, dashed marvellous.

Posted by Dave at 7:37 pm on June 22, 2006 and filed under Cartooning, Church, Ecumenical matters.

16 Comments